Day To Be Living

With Portland’s summers becoming increasingly hot and smoky as climate change worsens, early Fall is increasingly WHERE IT IS AT. The nice months are shifting from August and September, to now September and October. Crisp, fresh air, and weather in the 60s is ideal for running and spending time outside! One thing to be grateful for, eh!

The other thing on my mind on the employment side of things is the Hybrid Workforce Initiative (HWI) recently released by Multnomah County a few weeks back. www.oregonlive.com/politics/… After quietly observing colleague conversations in meetings, I realize I am not in alignment with the vocal opinion of most of my colleagues, for reasons far more philosophical than the obvious logistical ones I anticipated—valuable info I’m keeping in mind as I road map my professional trajectory.

I will say, the communication strategy for announcing and rolling out the HWI was visibly atrocious and poorly considered, emblematic of the County leadership’s weak reputation with failing to consider departmental input and feasibility. It’s a salient lesson for myself who aspires to leadership, where considering input from everyone isn’t only the right thing to do, to make people feel valued and appreciated, but necessary for a measurably successful outcome. (Side note: right around this time, I also noticed Washington County’s Kathryn Harrington faced scandal with unprofessionalism. www.opb.org/article/2… It’s interesting given I met her briefly twice. People’s true colors sometimes show up long after brief neutral-to-positive first impressions.)

Anyways, in a nutshell, my colleagues just don’t want to ever come to the office for any reason, no matter what. I completely sympathize with valid logistical considerations, not sitting in traffic commuting, paying for parking, having childcare or elderly parents, sleeping later, cooking at home, more time with immediate family, etc. I don’t think 5 days a week, all in-office, is necessary to meet the collegial connection goals either, but there needs to be something other than fully remote with very few meetings. The County also eliminated many cubicles and workstations with past leadership post-pandemic, so they shot themselves in the foot for a potential future partial back-to-office rollout.

That said, I find it disappointing that people don’t seem to care to connect. I find the apathy reflective of a larger societal problem leading to a loneliness epidemic on an unprecedented scale. Even coming in once a week for a half day seems far more reasonable than the status quo. They could even have a department fund for coffee and bagels, and make a business need excuse for a work training/lunch to connect. But from a public image standpoint, I think 3 days a week for employees eventually makes better sense. It could have been communicated and phased in much better first. The cart here was undoubtedly put before the horse by top County leadership.

Just as I’m “cleaning house” with relationships I have that no longer serve me, or more accurately, disserve me and rob value from my life, I feel similarly with my current employment, although it is a mixed bag. The pay and benefits are solid for what I do, but I’m quite lonely, bored, and under-stimulated by my career. I get very few opportunities to connect with my colleagues, most of whom seem likable on the surface, but I just don’t know much about them, since I rarely see them, even over Zoom at home.

My former boss, who I loved, retired a few months back. My new boss, who was my previous team lead before getting promoted, is so-so. She’s personable enough and takes the time to train on new work tasks seriously, which on one hand, I do appreciate compared to other bosses I’ve had. We both act professionally, but my communication chemistry just… clashes with her approach. Not all the time, and maybe not even most of the time, but often enough that I feel annoyed.

I find myself using contrived phraseologies, statements, and questions of reflection to placate off-putting emails and meetings, which have led to successful outcomes nearly every time (funny enough, I’ve been complimented on my communication and coachability by her, and I think I’m liked by her as far as who I am), but I also don’t like constantly feeling “on-guard” conversationally with anyone. Jefferson Fisher’s content has helped me here in the professional sphere too.

I think like a school teacher in asking open-questions to gauge someone’s understanding to mitigate over or under-explaining. Oftentimes I find niche new process expectations get under-explained, yet things I know well, like property tax mechanics, get over-explained. Thus I sometimes feel a bit patronized and misunderstood, despite respectfully clarifying with contextual specificity what I know and what I don’t. I’m all but certain there isn’t any ill-intent at all, which gives me some limited solace. The rare times though I do get asked questions instead of assumptions, they sound rather accusatory. None of these are facts. It’s just my subjective interpretation, but I do feel it’s a highly considered and justifiable one.

I applied for supervisory level jobs throughout last year, but failed to get interviews, despite my MPA degree. I was recently rejected for promotional opportunities for senior and supervisor promotions, but justifiably so, given the more experienced resumes of my competing candidates. It also illustrated how increasingly unhelpful the property tax appraisal career path will be for my future career goals, which means the time has come to change jobs when I can.

Some jobs I’m eyeballing include Management Analyst jobs to diversify my experience enough to move upward. After speaking with one of my fellow student alumni in my MPA program who is now an assistant city manager himself, and a couple years younger than me, it became clear that a modest pay cut and no supervisory experience may be required as a transitory step to get my foot in the door leading upward. Now that the economic uncertainty surrounding the Dickwad 2.0 admin early last year has settled into at least a more “plannable” form of shittiness, I’m taking it upon myself to refocus a bit more time and energy into finding something new and at least hybrid, if not in-person closeby.

I also realized pay or supervisory experience aside, I’d be far more happy spending my 40+ hours a week doing something different. I am excited to see what new opportunities await, both in terms of new Meetups and relationships, and this common variation on the theme with my professional employment.

I’m confident that subtle narcissistic tendencies in people manifest in different insidious forms, yet apathy, ghosting, stonewalling, and the silent treatment often get overlooked—or outright excused. In other words, low emotional intelligence at best, if not bankrupt emotional IQ.

Right now, I feel quite inspired by Jefferson Fisher’s content. I mentioned him before and his book “The Next Conversation” is fantastic. I highly recommend his content to anyone, and especially those motivated to finetune their communication phraseology. Recently I’ve shifted from consuming far less news, and more expository content universally applicable to all areas of my life, such as better communication.

I listen to Jefferson Fisher’s podcast episodes either on Apple Podcasts (because it is easy to see/track what I’ve already listened to or not) when in the car or doing something, or on YouTube, when I can sit down to watch. I also love his YouTube shorts, since I don’t have a TikTok account. When I implement his communication curriculum into my life, it sorts out other people’s hurtful nonsense automatically, without needing to waste any precious time speculating. Invariably, such overanalysis leads to social anxiety creeping in, impairing relational judgment for… nothing.

From my experience, very real, very unpleasant consequences arise from more direct, honest, and respectful communication. Historically, I accepted less than the bare minimum from others to either avoid conflict or loneliness (most often both) and either way, it reflected profound insecurity. I now vow to seek above the bare minimum, every time, through situationally tailored communication phraseology—even when the initial consequences include conflict, pushback, and distance, or in the worst cases, ghosting and estrangement. I feel confident that conflict and loneliness will happen when dealing with the most emotionally immature people. Yet I know it can get mitigated through mindful intentionality that refocuses energy on new activities and people who will actually like me and love me for all of who I am, unconditionally.

I find it very important to refuse responsibility for other people’s apathy, without apology or excuse. For example, any time someone chooses not to respond to me, chooses to refuse responsibility for their hurtful actions, or tells me they aren’t even open to resolution, then they justifiably fail to earn reciprocal effort from me. Yet it goes far deeper for me. My faith erodes in their character and integrity. As Jefferson Fisher says, good relationships require hard conversations.

After all, I apologize and take responsibility when someone specifies what I did wrong to hurt them. Like everyone, I make mistakes sometimes in how I communicate or act towards others. I know I can be a hothead when I feel wronged, and I take responsibility for being quick to react intensely. The difference between me and so many other people I know well is that I actually care to do the right thing afterwards. I actually care to foster a mutually workable solution, and think in those terms. Therefore, I have unfortunately developed a shorter-than-ideal fuse when I feel dismissively treated.

I have watched all of Jefferson Fisher’s YouTube shorts and I highly encourage people to watch all of them, if they resonate with you as powerfully as they did with me. Here are 30 of them (in descending order of popularity/views) that feel super relevant for my own communication struggles with challenging personalities. I included so many videos here because of how short they are, often a minute or less.

1. Use This Phrase On The Silent Treatment www.youtube.com/shorts/Mv…
2. How To Handle The Silent Treatment www.youtube.com/shorts/dp…
3. How To Cross Examine a Narcissist www.youtube.com/shorts/sT…
4. What To Say When You Feel Left Out www.youtube.com/shorts/rj…
5. How To Deal With Narcissists www.youtube.com/shorts/Ss…
6. Difference Between Narcissism and Insecurity www.youtube.com/shorts/Zv…
7. What To Do When Someone Is Stonewalling You www.youtube.com/shorts/tp…
8. Lawyer’s #1 Strategy For Disarming a Narcissist www.youtube.com/shorts/Cf…
9. A Quick Reminder For You www.youtube.com/shorts/27…
10. What To Say To A Passive Aggressive Person www.youtube.com/shorts/yP…
11. Someone Who Always Plays The Victim www.youtube.com/shorts/Vz…
12. Use This On Manipulative Comments www.youtube.com/shorts/Vz…
13. How To Stop A Never-Ending Argument www.youtube.com/shorts/AF…
14. What To Say When They Deflect www.youtube.com/shorts/c8…
15. How To Tell If You Are Gaslighting Someone www.youtube.com/shorts/xx…
16. How To Prepare For The Conversation You Are Avoiding www.youtube.com/shorts/TD…
17. What To Say To Someone Who Undermines You www.youtube.com/shorts/t3…
18. How To Handle Insults www.youtube.com/shorts/4-…
19. How To Not Be Dismissive www.youtube.com/shorts/hC…
20. How To Handle Deflection www.youtube.com/shorts/zn…
21. When Someone Puts Words In Your Mouth www.youtube.com/shorts/rV…
22. How To Handle Someone Looking For A Fight www.youtube.com/shorts/vk…
23. What To Say When Someone Talks Down To You www.youtube.com/shorts/54…
24. What To Say When Someone Belittles You www.youtube.com/shorts/54…
25. What To Say To Someone Emotionally Immature www.youtube.com/shorts/pk…
26. How To Remove Drama For A Conflict www.youtube.com/shorts/We…
27. How To Handle Bad Excuses www.youtube.com/shorts/rN…
28. How To Handle a Hothead www.youtube.com/shorts/RR…
29. Demanding Apologies www.youtube.com/shorts/LK…
30. When They Invalidate Your Feelings www.youtube.com/shorts/Nm…

Tonight I was honored to catch up with one of my distant long-time acquaintances who has lived in New York City these last few years. I say honored, because he reached out to me last week via text, which was so cool!

By the way, the loneliness epidemic is unprecedented, especially among younger men. Especially since September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, I urge everyone reading this to reach out to people who matter to you, especially in said demographic. I am doing so with all men close to my age in my life, who have not deceived, estranged, or cheated me out of connection I’ve earned.

I have been off social media since Biden left office, which has overwhelmingly been great. Except where it might otherwise be easier for others to find me, or think of me if I came up in a story, post, or list of “friends.” (Although fortunately I’ve had the same 10 digit cell phone number since I turned 18, among the numeric sequences I remember as well as my Social Security number, birthdays, and historical dates. I’m quirky with remembering things like that).

Interestingly enough, this long-time acquaintance isn’t on social media either, so we have some things in common. Also, I met him in 1st grade, but we lost contact for the longest time, reconnected in college about 10 years ago, and then reconnected off and on since the pandemic. Kudos to him for taking the lead on reaching out!

To many people out there, you might be like… okay, cool story bruh… What’s the big deal?

The big deal is that it felt super thoughtful, regardless of whether it logistically worked out this time to see him.

It was also a starkly relevant contrast from a recent, poignant memory of learning my former college friend from Illinois visited Oregon twice, and fit in time to see my other former ex-college friend, yet neither bothered to tell me. Even more recently (as in today) I learned more “tea” from a trusted source about these ex-friends, who no longer add value to my life, and indeed ended up subtracting from it.

It’s too much to get into for one post this late. But suffice it to say closure in this way with ex-friends I’ve been close to, while heartbreaking, feels new for me. Other people’s poor behavior choices, in being callous and inconsiderate, is not my responsibility. I feel ready, truly ready like never before, for all the good, different, and new energy on the horizon that has already started to take shape.

I take comfort in adopting a karmic view of the universe. In so many ways I’ve been given immense privilege relative to most of humanity, but from my perspective, I’ve experienced worse karma compared to others I see around me, when it comes to relationships going smoothly. I make every effort to take responsibility and bring mindful self-awareness for my role in my own suffering, but unfavorable, challenging outcomes with connection have seemingly gone far beyond the realm of individual control.

I’m a strong believer now, in part adopted from my individual therapist’s wise ethos, that so much can be done with 1) effort, and 2) an attempt to repair—something I’ve historically received little of relative to what I give. I really contemplate that criteria now whenever something feels off, or unexpectedly goes badly.

I feel relieved to refocus my wisdom into better, healthier energy, like this long time acquaintance who reached out. I have found Meetup groups including meditation, hiking, and now music that I’m excited to continue pursuing.

Moral of the story: It is about the effort man!

Okay, that’s all for tonight (yawn). Time for some rest!

I’m glad to be writing a blog post again! So much to catch up on and write about as always. Today my wife and I have finally started some house cleaning and simplifying which is still incomplete, but much better! I’m hoping to finish up loose ends tomorrow.

This last week, I was especially touched by the ongoing, generous, and expert help from my amazing aunt who is our immigration lawyer (my dad’s older brother’s 3rd wife).

I’m still processing my wife’s green card approval this week. We caught up so much regarding both immigration policy and my relatives from her trip here. I soaked up all the fascinating, niche info like a sponge!

My wife and I had our USCIS green card interview this week at the Portland, Oregon field office, where my aunt attended as our counsel. Despite our two hour wait past our scheduled time, the flamboyant, friendly, and young Latino officer approved us with a short interview—an easy approval that would have all but certainly happened without an interview under any other administration. It’s a real shame that applicants are effectively treated as guilty until proven innocent by our system. What a stark deviation from the supposed “American” value of innocent until proven guilty—the way immigration benefits SHOULD be adjudicated. That said, our bona fide innocence was indeed proven. Proven, as in substantiated with what felt like two reams of paper worth of evidence!

The interview was a good reminder that even in big, dysfunctional institutions like USCIS under the oppressive leadership of xenophobic dickheads like Joseph Edlow and Stephen Miller, many civil servants in these dark times quietly keep their heads down, and still try to do right by immigrants and their U.S. citizen family members.

For my wife, it is a total identity shift she’s still processing (and indirectly, I suppose me too). From my experience, I feel like I’ve upheld my civic duty as an American at least as much, and maybe even more than the virtues of voting or jury duty, by petitioning someone I love. With a green card, we both can freely travel internationally, and never have to worry about insecure, short-term immigration status again. I know my wife can apply for citizenship in the future, and have a potential path to eventually get her parents and sister permanent status, even in the worst possible case of our marriage failing.

I’d be remiss not to mention, albeit a day late, the infamous quadranscentennial of what changed our immigration system for the worse. I’m among the oldest in the post-9/11 generation, as everyone I know my age and younger than me, has the fortune of not remembering, while everyone older than me does. I’m confident that we’d otherwise still correctly treat immigration as a civil rights issue with the INS still under the DOJ, rather than a national security issue under the DHS, if it had not happened. I know ICE would never have been established alongside DHS in 2003. I’d imagine some meaningful immigration reform would have actually happened—imperfect sure, but light years better than the status quo. In fact, I don’t remember the U.S. ever really being “great” or exceptional the way older people do. It seems all the more justifiably true for all of Gen Z, than for younger Millennials like me.

It was a total timing coincidence on the calendar that my first Dougy Center orientation took place yesterday—an organization dedicated to helping people, especially children, cope with grief from death, particularly of a caregiver or sibling. I volunteered to be a facilitator, at the ongoing recommendation of my individual therapist. It was nothing short of touching and inspiring to learn, in-person, with 40 or so others, the impactful work they do. Although I won’t be able to fully join as a facilitator until early in 2027 due to this Fall’s scheduling conflicts, I’m proud to have officially started the process. I look forward to having this service to humanity as a meaningful way to experience connection higher than myself, and speaking more on this soon!

Among one of the YouTubers I recently stumbled upon, Rick Beato’s videos on music analysis are excellent. Because he is a huge Rush fan and classic rock fan, who deeply respects different genres or music from classical to newer top charts, he established strong credibility with me early. He interviewed Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson, and Annika Niles separately on his channel (and asking them the geekiest questions about their gear and music they seemed to enjoy answering, as it wasn’t all the usual questions).

It’s not unique to them. He has interviewed so many really legendary musicians and has always seemed to do so in the most nerdy, enthusiastic, and thoughtful way, rather than asking the same typical basic questions many mainstream interviewers might ask. He talks about music theory in a way that is both digestible for those with limited to moderate proficiency with music theory, but with songs most of us know well.

I will say, he does have an anti-autotune bias (which I share), and over-compressing songs in the mix, but he’s clear to say it’s his opinion and why things he personally doesn’t like still work well and are popular. I do think his analysis is fair and balanced.

I haven’t seen him really dive into jam bands or electronic artists, for example, and other lesser known genres which deserve some more recognition. But within what he has done, I like him. He will give niche praise (where credit is due) on newly released top chart music that is unique and creative. Here are some of the non-interview faves. I like that he regularly listens to the top charts and assesses trends thoughtfully. I need to do that more often too and branch out.

1. “Why Modern Pop All Sounds The Same” www.youtube.com/watch

2. “The Real Reason Music Is Getting Worse.” www.youtube.com/watch

3. “How Do People NOT Know This About Pop Music?” www.youtube.com/watch

4. “Listening to the Spotify Top 10 So You Don’t Have To.” (I think this is the most recent one?) www.youtube.com/watch

5. “Why STING is UNCOPYABLE.” www.youtube.com/watch

Good stuff indeed!

Having read his autobiography in full, where everything from Gain of Function research in Wuhan, the lab leak theory, and the like are explained in full, plausible detail, the magnitude of complete lunacy, stupidity, propaganda, hypocrisy, and hate-mongering on the part of congressional Republican bullies like Rand Paul is just astounding. But the worst part is how extremely dangerous and profoundly fucked up this all is. It emboldens Dr. Fauci’s most violent haters to regularly send credible death threats to him, and even more unfairly, to his family. More broadly, it has a deeply chilling effect on good-faith science, public service, and Constitutional integrity—this time around the 5th Amendment.

Dr. Fauci got along with Republicans like Reagan, and both Bush I and II really well. Yet extreme conclusions are drawn without considering the most basic of basics, like that.

Sure, it’s certainly possible, although far less likely, that the lab leak theory is what happened. It’s certainly not dumb and fully debunkable the way something like the flat earth theory is. We’ll never know for sure on the lab leak. Dr. Fauci all but certainly doesn’t know for sure either, and publicly said so much on why.

What actually matters most is preventing future pandemics and investing in STEM… something Dr. Fauci’s most vile and violent haters aren’t interested in doing, in any sincere, evidence-based way.

So, for some links:

1. I loved the Daily Show satire here to bring some humor and light to all of this. www.youtube.com/watch

2. Also, while not talking about Fauci himself, Neil DeGrasse Tyson made a great StarTalk video recently about how America’s scientists are disappearing. It’s not a cliff, but a slow decline, as he contends. Worth a watch! www.youtube.com/watch

3. Last, I included a recent NYT article on the attacks on the 5th Amendment via Dr. Fauci. www.nytimes.com/2026/08/0…

Oh man, it’s been a whole month since I’ve posted! What a month it has been and so much to write about, my list is getting ever longer.

I forgot how much I love blogging. It’s good to be back.

One esoteric (at least for Americans, I’d say) channel that I came across on YouTube is 22 Minutes. My understanding is they are Canada’s closest satirical equivalent of America’s Saturday Night Live (SNL), but much smaller in scale/production/viewership. Canadians watch so much of our content, why don’t we watch more of theirs?

Much like Kim’s Convenience, it’s great, but seemingly just not as well known among my fellow Americans here in the United States.

I think I’ve gotten more Canadian suggested content in my YouTube feed since I recently liked Prime Minister Carney’s channel, Kim’s Convenience, CBC, House of Strombo, and have been following Rush’s concert tour updates.

In any event, 22 Minutes is all pretty goofy and cringey, but it’s also interesting to see.

Here are some of my favorite skits I came across. They are super short:

1. “Americans think Canada Can’t Invade Them. Think Again.” Portland and Seattle get shoutouts! www.youtube.com/watch

2. “There’s only one winner in a trade war…” www.youtube.com/watch

3. “Americans moving to Canada receive a not-so-warm welcome.” www.youtube.com/watch

4. “Introducing Canada’s People of Color Police Department - the P.O.C. P.D.” www.youtube.com/watch

5. “What does a pot sobriety test look like?” www.youtube.com/watch

… And last but not least, of course a great interview with PM Carney at a Tim Horton’s! Big daddy energy, indeed! www.youtube.com/watch

Check it out when you can!

This year, for the first time in a long time, I’m staying home alone, and playing some Goose live streams for 4th of July, especially since the pets are not a fan of the fireworks. Our shy dog Sage, in particular, was already cowering in the laundry room despite giving some anti-anxiety regimen. Poor thing. I’ve been trying to give lots of love.

I have gotten increasingly very mixed feelings about the Holiday, mostly because it’s 2026. I enjoy a dedicated fireworks show as much as anyone, and the theoretical concept of celebrating the world’s original (very imperfect) democracy.

I’m just not feeling very patriotic right now, for obvious reasons to my regular readers of this blog. It feels like the most fervent enthusiasts of the holiday are the most hypocritical. I think there’s an old saying about being “all hat and no cattle.” On a day like today, it just feels like people are “all flag and no Constitution.”

Especially compared to Memorial Day or Veterans Day, where I feel very positively about honoring the contributions and sacrifices of the vast majority (but not all) who have served, since there are good and bad apples everywhere. I also honor any profession that requires sacrifice in service of the public good. This often includes cops, firefighters, schoolteachers, paramedics, ER docs, 911 dispatchers, and really a whole plethora of others who do good meaningful work.

For those who haven’t seen it, I thought this was an oldy but a goody. frankumstein.com/PDF/What%… I especially think it’s relevant now given the recent news about Elon Musk becoming the world’s first trillionaire. I think that is so wrong for any person, good or bad, to have that much money. No one deserves even a billion in my book, let alone a trillion. Given that $100 million is a forklift pallet of $100 bills, why should any one person deserve more than a few forklift pallets? That should be the wealth ceiling.

Conversely, there should be a floor. I think it’s bad for anyone to be living near, at, or below the poverty line. The federal poverty line, even if adjusted by location is still immorally poor. I prefer the ALICE (asset limited, income constrained, employed) measure as the moral economic floor.

For Tigard, Oregon, that would supposedly be $40-$45K/person/year, where I am at roughly double ALICE.

See below a Google AI overview. I didn’t fact check for hallucinations, although at first glance, the figures seem reasonable.

Jeez… thank God. May dissinters Clarence Thomas, Neil Gorsuch (and even Brett Cavanaugh who dissented contingent on law change), all rot in Hell for being the atrocious human beings that they are.

The AP wrote a good short article and attached the primary source opinion from the SCOTUS. apnews.com/article/s…

By the way, Justice Jackson’s concurring opinion was interesting to skim, especially considering black history in the U.S., as the first black woman on the highest court. I hope to read more at some point.

First of all, 14th Amendment is crystal clear. Let alone all other immigration statutory law, past case law, etc.

Very simply put, birthright citizenship isn’t just a civil rights issue, but it’s human rights issue! Do we want infants deported to third countries like impoverished, unstable countries like South Sudan? Is that the type of world we want to live in? Definitely not me.

I find it shockingly distasteful that it was ever challenged in the first place. So many kids could have been born stateless, even if one green card or U.S. citizen parent went through the admin paperwork hassle of proving their relationship.

But regardless of paperwork red tape, no one should EVER be born stateless, and especially not in a first world country. That is an absolutely unacceptable proposition.

EVERYONE deserves a peaceful, stable country that recognizes them and claims them as their own from DAY 1. Wherever you are brought into this world, you should get to be a member of that part of the world, as it’s necessarily part of your identity, regardless of your biological parents homeland or territorial ancestry.

It doesn’t have to be the United States necessarily. It could be Canada, Mexico, China… wherever.

But everyone must always be a citizen of somewhere.

It’s giving Constitution, eh?

Recovering today from the Cascade Lakes Relay race that goes between southern Oregon near Diamond Lake to downtown Bend. I ran very hard, and had 3 great legs. Realized I’m in better shape than I give myself credit for, especially at 30, almost 31 years old. Met some great people. And I was honored to be invited two years in a row, last year to Ragnar NW (up at the Canadian border at Peace Arch to Whidbey Island, Washington), and now here. Overall, I liked this year and event slightly better. Much like going to a music festival, very little sleep happens, so you get your light naps in when you can (something my Oura ring tracked automatically with very believable/plausible accuracy). Yesterday and today have involved catching up on sleep.

It was very nice to be invited twice, given that logistics are tough to coordinate, so going along for the ride was great. There’s a euphoria and good type of soreness after running, a runner’s high and adrenaline that happens only during events like this. It’s been fun to track as well on my Garmin watch and Strava, and add descriptions to my runs.

Also, on the way home, a couple of people from our Van 2 tried a new pizza place, (in lieu of Spork, likely my all time favorite restaurant) called Kitchen Window Sourdough Pizza, which has great reviews, and reminds me a lot of Ranch Pizza. Good stuff. Had to give it a shoutout.

While it’s all speculation, and there’s no shortage of Reddit convo, I find it absolutely disgraceful that a band of Rush’s size and influence would be forced to postpone their Fort Worth show last night, due to border crossing issues from Mexico into the United States, given the 4 day gap between shows. We’ve heard about many foreign, non-white artists facing issues, but this is the first I’ve heard of white foreign musicians getting fucked over since Dickwad term 2.0.

Yes, I understand there is much increased border traffic with the World Cup. Despite that, it still doesn’t make sense to me.

As I understand, commercial cargo goes in a special line. All of these logistics are pre-determined, industry standards. I’d imagine it was some dickwad CBP officer, or more than one, abusing their authority by forcing a unnecessarily detailed search, and fucking over thousands of fans in the process. I feel so badly for everyone whose plans were needlessly disrupted. Like Rush’s production crew is going to be smuggling desperate migrants and bricks of fentanyl? My eyes couldn’t roll further back if I tried. Give me a break! Critical thinking, folks…

Arbitrary and haphazard enforcement of immigration law, or any law, is bad fucking news anywhere it happens. If the MAGA xenophobes weren’t in charge, I’m highly confident this never would have happened. Stronger guardrails on blatant abuse of officer discretion desperately needs improvement.

Rush gets the most elite non-immigrant visas available at USCIS, surely either a P1-B or O1-B visa, with their crew and production easily getting O2 visas. They’ve crossed into the U.S. more times than their passports have room for stamps. There’s zero reason there should have been any issues!

They’re lucky they are white, and were wise to keep their liberal politics on the DL, because many artists have been subject to blanket country bans, and those who aren’t, even the most elite foreign artists, face immigration issues.

I hope the next administration totally changes the tune at DHS to be pro-immigrant, and keeps the focus on legitimate national security concerns, like stopping terrorists at TSA, not fucking over regular (and extraordinary) noncitizens alike.

In my efforts to get ready for this weekend’s Cascade Lakes Relay Race that I was cordially invited to, I was going through my reminders app and realized hot yoga was something I haven’t been doing lately, and that it’d be perfect to combine meditation, sauna, and stretching/strength training in one, a few days beforehand.

I must give a shoutout to the Bonfire Hot Yoga studio in Beaverton. Very down-to-earth, non-pretentious, vibes as contrasted with many specialty fitness studios and gyms. I have a 20 class punch card that expires in November, so I figured it was an economical way to compliment my outdoor running, bicycling, hiking, and skiing. Signing up for classes online is easy as well. I’m so lazy about stretching that it was a good call, and very spur-of-the-moment too.

Now resting up physically for the weekend, and trying to get good sleep scores each night this week. Sleepytime tea, melatonin gummies, and winding down early.

I haven’t had an opportunity to sit down for reading and writing lately, even when I thought I would sooner. My Google Doc list of topics has been ever increasing. Even though it’s about a month old, I figure for the record, here we go.

But two big pieces of news.

There is much in the realm of what to discuss. My wife went to Boise last month to work out in Idaho and became a pipefitter traveler! More on how that’s gone soon. It is with mixed emotions that I am happy for her. It is within a day’s drive, and a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

The good news? The per diem and overtime are already providing significant income in a short period of time to pay off debt, and have her graduate from her apprenticeship on time rather than be out of work. Also, Boise has good food, and some good music, and some nice outdoor activities to do. Not all are rednecks and potato farms out in Idaho. Some are “libahoans,” a contractive noun I made up for liberal Idahoans that I didn’t find after a Google search. She found an apartment with a 6 month lease, similar to the one we used to live in in Portland.

The bad news? Well… being far away. I love a nice road trip, but I’ll be headed out to Idaho by car very often as round trip flights often approach $500, thanks to the current U.S. president picking fights with the Ayatollah (what was that again, about sleepy Joe Biden being responsible for gas prices to go up in our centrally planned, socialist economy?) I’m sure once in a while I’ll do the hour flight instead of the 8 hour drive. I’m sure oftentimes I’ll go the long way through Bend to stop at Spork for some amazing food!

The second big piece of news? We have a new, lightly used Prius now! The old 2017 Nissan Versa we had got totaled by the other drivers' insurance company after getting rear ended and suffering frame damage… after we just bought front brakes for it. My wife also suffered some whiplash but is slowly getting better, so hopefully the injury payout will be fair and generous. Unfortunate timing with the car though! But they gave us more money for it than the top end of Kelley Blue Book’s estimate, especially given its condition (although I don’t trust Kelley Blue Book for shit, as they apparently don’t factor in regional factors to their values, which is stupid and pathetic). So the old Nissan repairs probably ended up being a wash. Also, looks can be deceiving! The rear bumper didn’t look that bad cosmetically, but the frame damage was serious and would have cost almost what the car is worth to fix. But apparently even if it’s close at all, the insurance company will simply total it.

Fast forward to car buying: I have never had as inconvenient, and frustrating of a car buying experience as recently with getting my wife a reliable Toyota Prius. The car market is absolute shit right now, all worsened by the high gas prices, which is really frustrating.

Anyways, we were originally going to buy a Prius for under $7,000 in cash, but it was nearly impossible to get anything under 160,000 miles with a rebuilt title and a time bomb of hybrid battery, head gasket or big ticket maintenance issues. Private party sellers were often flippers, who refused pre-purchase inspections, refused to negotiate on unreasonably high prices, with incomplete maintenance records that you’d expect. I’m sorry but I saw asks north of $8,000 for 20 year old, beater Priuses that didn’t even have clean titles! I mean, get the actual fuck out of here! Small car dealers were often similar at that price point and very slimy. So these people would rather not sell a car than make some concessions? It was crazy!

So, we reluctantly decided to take out a loan and go with CarMax since they had a 10 day money back return policy. That 10 day policy is the ONLY thing good about CarMax, and otherwise I’ll put them in the same category as TicketMaster. The people were friendly, and supposedly they had the car well taken care of and inspected before sale–supposedly. Except I took the car to Les Schwab for their free safety check, only to find there were issues with alignment, leaky rear struts, and wheel bearings at $1,400 to fix. Um, excuse me? After dropping $17K on a 9 year old car with 124K miles, that was supposed to be fixed, and you can’t even reassure me that it’ll be fixed? I was even gaslit about Les Schwab upselling and how cheap it is to fix these. Uh… no. These were immediate needs to fix, not a “someday” item.

Going forward, if anyone tries to tell me that an independent inspection upsold me, or downplay how much repairs are… then they’ve lost my business right then and there. After all if the repairs were so fucking cheap, then why didn’t they do them, since national dealers have economies of scale and don’t pay consumer repair rate markups?

Then to add insult to injury, not only did CarMax take our down payment instantly electronically, but of course, they could only refund it via mailed paper check. Then as if it couldn’t get any worse, I found out they cherry picked the worst credit bureau score of both my wife and I and ran with it to offer a criminally high 9.24% interest rate, juxtaposed with OnPoint who we later went with, who offered 5.24%. So our monthly payment was only slightly higher with a car that cost $25K instead of $17K, with 17K miles instead of 124K miles in far better condition. Fuck CarMax. I will never support them ever. Please steer clear from them, even for newer vehicles.

Also, fuck buying used cars. I think conventional wisdom about car buying and depreciation is largely obsolete now. Even after a year or two, there’s barely any benefit of depreciation anymore. When I’m financially able, I’ll likely buy a plug-in hybrid or all EV all wheel drive compact SUV new off the lot and take excellent care of it. I mean, the elimination of the risk premium is worth as much or more than the brief depreciation!

This situation was such a headache, I was almost tempted to look into leasing a new vehicle if the payment was low enough, and the buyback was reasonably priced, which is saying something, given how much I value vehicular equity. But leasing is even dumber now than it used to be as payments are often $400+ per month with a down payment and zero equity! Are you fucking kidding me? How are so many consumers willing to accept such bullshit? Where is the ceiling on the car market? Are that many people really willing to pay $700/month or more for 84 months at double digit interest rates just to look cool and have an $80,000 truck? Why the fuck are new trucks $80K in the first place, if they aren’t fucking Rivians or cutting edge plug-in hybrid or EV tech in pickups? It’s just absolute insanity to me. My car shopping has always been very utilitarian and practical, but 2026 is next level.

Anyways, lesson learned. Next time, we will get pre-approved at OnPoint or another credit union, and go straight to a super highly rated dealer, 4.9 stars or above from millions of raving reviews. I have never been more grateful to still be driving my paid off 2015 Mazda 3, which I’ve maintained well, and it still sounds and drives great. At this rate, I’d even be money ahead to fix cosmetic defects like new, paint it, wax it, detail it over ever getting something today.

That said, I’m glad we finally got a well-maintained, very lightly used Prius. Our final experience at Powell Motors was excellent, with a full file provided, including dealer activity. It has 17K miles and will probably last us at least 20 years, when we are in our early 50s and hopefully close to retirement. Car values stay so high nowadays, that our car payment feels more like a mortgage that we’re paying very slowly depreciating equity into. Wild!

Pictured below, a red 2017 Prius Four Touring, and the Welcome to Idaho sign on I-84 just east of the Snake River border.

I haven’t forgotten about my blog, even though it seems like I have. More substantive updates to come on a whole range of topics once I sit down, and totally new ones.

Life has been very busy with many recent changes, especially with my wife briefly moving to Boise for 6 months for work! We also had a tumultuous experience buying her a Toyota Prius after her Nissan Versa was totaled after being rear ended (she’s recovering okay though). We returning the Prius we bought to CarMax (a very bad experience, something I’ll share in more detail later) and finally having a good experience buying a different Prius at the small, independent at Powell Motors.

This weekend once I’m traveling back to Idaho, I’ll have more to share, since this is only my second post in May. More to come soon!

There are a lot of blog topics I need to catch up on from more than a week! More to come soon on topics not yet written but on top of mind.

But, first, I must give some enormous respect to the legendary Gen Z, American musician Billie Eilish. Earlier today, I saw the her tour documentary in 3D with my wife, sister-in-law, and family friend at this indie movie theater in SE Portland. I also had the privilege of seeing her live at the Moda Center on December 8, 2024 for her global “Hit Me Hard and Soft” tour, and was very impressed by her concert! I will absolutely be seeing her every time she’s in town. She’s the real deal.

Side note: if you get the opportunity to watch her documentary or see her live in the future, I would highly recommend it! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill… Reportedly she made this concert movie in part to allow everyone to see her show, including those who couldn’t attend. Respect!

I first heard of Billie Eilish sometime towards the end of the before times in the late 2010s, but I vividly remember 94.7 FM playing her song “Bad Guy” and digging it. However, I hadn’t explored much of her catalog and many of her amazing songs were yet to be released. Among the so-called “pop girlies,” she’s easily my favorite, both in terms of musicianship, and collaboration with her older brother Finneas, but also among the Gen Z celebrities… for several reasons. I was surprised to learn that she’s even younger than I thought, and still only 24 years old (born December 18, 2001) a whole 6 years younger than me!

First, she has a high degree of self confidence in writing and performing, but she seems quite grounded and humble given her enormous success. It’s clear she values her fans sincerely, and tries to connect with them the best she can. She’s walked the walk, and stood up for important causes for between voting, environmentalism, LGBTQ+ issues, bullying, and veganism among others when she didn’t have to. Also, she famously prohibited TicketFucker from allowing above face ticket resale on their platform (something I mentioned in my TicketFucker rant many posts ago, something few artists, let alone her size, have dared to do.) I mean what’s not to like?

I find it attractive and badass that since she’s had many male musician influences, she chooses to dress in more androgynous, less revealing attire, authentic to her own style, and still prove commercially successful and admired. Sure, there are some young pop women who are great musically, and also choose to focus more on the sex appeal element, but Billie Eilish proves you can still be pretty and attractive, without it being mandatory in pop culture. I think it’s nice to show younger generations, especially young girls but everyone, that you can be authentically yourself and inspire others.

I plan to talk more cool details soon about the movie and my favorite songs of hers, but suffice it to say for now, I liked Billie Eilish before today, and I like her even more now.

Pictured below: Billie and Finneas at The Forum in LA, January 18, 2020.

I must say, I find the whole “fast charging” craze for electronic high tech devices a bit worrisome. I noticed my last iPhone didn’t keep a charge well, after only about a year. Oftentimes I charged it with my Mac charger, which was supposedly “safe” to do, but the higher wattage probably wasn’t ideal for the battery’s longevity. It also said the battery health was better than it likely really was at 85%, and thus ineligible for a free battery replacement with AppleCare, which requires being at 79% health or below.

Lucky for me, I was able to do a trade-in with Verizon with a free upgrade from the iPhone 15 Pro Max to the iPhone 17 Pro Max. Supposedly the 17 Pro Max has the best smartphone battery of any flagship model right now, whether iOS or Android, from what I read.

So far, I like the new phone and it’s been WAY better! I’m trying to be mindful of good battery habits, like taking the case off, if charging with the MagSafe charger instead of USB-C cable, so the battery’s temp doesn’t get too hot.

I started looking into this whole fast charge bullshit more, and realized slow charging is far better.

Similarly, I follow the 80/20 rule for all of my high-tech devices, including my Garmin smartwatch and Oura ring, by never charging above 80% and never letting it dip below 20%, if possible, as it’s supposedly best for the battery longevity to stay in the middle. Once in a while going above that or to a full charge is OK, and sometimes I’ll forget and charge up to 90% or so, but I try not to. Yes, I have to charge my devices more often this way, but I’d like the battery health to stay good for as long as possible, and most importantly, hold a charge with a slow linear decline (not go from 19% to 17% to then 4%).

Fortunately my new iPhone has an autostop feature above 80% charging, although the Garmin watch and Oura ring do NOT have those features. These devices still charge relatively fast, even with lower wattage USB-C ports on my Mac, so I always keep an eye when charging them, since I want their batteries to last.

Why don’t these device makers have consumer warnings, or built-in features to stop fast charging? I wonder if this will become more of an issue in the coming years, especially with bigger ticket items like EVs… We’ll see.

I found an interesting article on this topic. www.recurrentauto.com/research/… But if you are curious to learn more about batteries, whether personal electronic devices or EVs, I encourage you to do some searching, and maybe ask a few AI chatbots for some source material.

I think that in addition to healthy communication skills and boundaries, it should be required curriculum for people to learn how to deal with narcissists—or at best, extremely self-absorbed behavior—effectively. Whether or not the person is pathologically a “narcissist,” has C-PTSD, or is intentional about it is neither here nor there. If you see the behavior, you have to deal with it based on best practices for handling narcissism.

I worry that actual narcissism gets too often reframed more positively as simple C-PTSD or anxious-avoidant issues. Even if it’s not clinical NPD, narcissistic behaviors need to be treated the same regardless of whether the person qualifies as a narcissist or not. We make all types of justifications for why someone we care about isn’t one—we can cherry-pick examples of when they’ve been nice, or thoughtful, or generous. It’s just confirmation bias. Regardless, problematic behavior is still problematic behavior.

Too often there is a cultural emphasis, especially among my fellow white liberals, on being “nice” or “classy.” That’s great much of the time, maybe even most of the time, but NOT all of the time—as misguided conventional wisdom implies. Secure attachment and healthy boundaries matter leaps and bounds more. Fuck “niceness” and “classiness” if it means avoiding difficult, necessary conversations, bottling up frustrations, or people-pleasing. A stitch in time saves nine, so whether nine stitches, or any stitches are needed, it simply must get done.

If you’re an intuitively empathetic person like I am, it can feel cold and “not nice” at first to respond to narcissistic-coated provocations using best practices. In your soul, you just naturally want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I say be open-minded, but reserve that benefit for those whose behavior has earned it, and change your approach when it becomes increasingly clear that someone isn’t acting in good faith.

Part of wisdom is watching people’s behaviors closely and staying vigilant to people’s bullshit. Know your truth and trust what you see. Take someone else’s perspective as their truth, not gospel. If anyone gaslights you, or you even suspect it, never believe them—confidently say “I remember it differently” or “I see things differently.” Never use reason and logic with people who won’t do so in good faith.

I will admit, some “yellow flags” could just be people who need to process their feelings before yours, struggle to communicate under stress, or are conflict-avoidant. If someone fights you on how you feel because they’re bad at disagreeing, that’s a yellow flag, but only at first. Firm boundaries should go up, but it’s still worth engaging if it’s clear they’re acting imperfectly, yet still trying. Yellow flags, to me, are imperfect but good-faith communication. We’re all guilty of it from time to time.

Where it becomes a red flag is when you feel like a hamster on a wheel of endless drama, where the ONLY path out is people-pleasing, capitulating, or agreeing to disproportionate blame—all while someone refuses to even TRY—even imperfectly—to see where you’re coming from, makes themselves the direct victim of YOUR pain rather than theirs, and offers ZERO observable effort whatsoever for resolution, even after you’ve begged for it and CLEARLY stated your needs. You’ve done everything in your bandwidth and ability to be fair, take accountability, and own what’s yours—the other person refuses to acknowledge your efforts at that, even when prompted… yet at the same time, you’re offered ZERO comparable reciprocity that you’ve offered them, and the problem paradoxically STILL continues to deteriorate rather than improve!

If that’s ever felt like you: STOP right now. That is 100% NOT your fault! Even if you made communication blunders along the way. That is harmful behavior.

Most importantly, your first priority must be to not get sucked in to the black hole of endless drama. Because the consequences are severe and cannot be overstated. Eventually once your goodwill gets exploited to the point of your own emotional bankruptcy, you WILL inevitably snap, act completely out of character, and the whole focus will shift to your reaction, all while you feel at fault and guilty for reacting. That’s the narcissist’s goal though!

So, for your own mental health, I cannot overstate how you MUST change your typical/natural approach! Expect blowback—narcissists don’t like it when you stop playing the drama game—but you have to white-knuckle through the initial awfulness, which may take days. Stick it out. Be patient. And importantly, reassure yourself over and over and over again.

We all have moments of being egotistical, self-righteous, and making things worse. That’s one thing. But if you know in good faith that you’ve tried to be reasonable—and feel like your goodwill has been exploited, and you’re still being gaslit, accused of what they’re doing when you aren’t, and the drama keeps getting worse—then congratulations: regardless of the person’s clinical pathology, you’re dealing with narcissism, straight up.

I’d also add: the moment you shift from feeling “I’m frustrated, hurt, and disappointed with the other person. I just want us to resolve this, feel understood, and make sure we’re both okay,” to feeling genuine contempt for the other person’s character, fighting every urge to say “fuck you, you manipulative, gaslighting piece of shit” —

Then it’s past time to play hardball and use best narcissism practices.

So far I’ve been listening to Mel Robbins, Jefferson Fisher, and Dr. Ramani Durvasula for good info on these topics. I urge you to do so too if you have not!

As a Rush fan, I couldn’t help but include imagery of the late Neil Peart performing Rush’s instrumental song Malignant Narcissism…

You know, I must say, I’ve gotten a couple of false positives with my Oura ring’s Symptom Radar feature (sometimes from slightly superior biometrics, like higher than baseline HRV, which is the opposite of what coming down with illness brings), but it really came in handy for stopping an oncoming cold in its tracks for me this week. Sunday night going into Monday morning, I slept well enough with an Oura sleep score of 84 (just a point shy of optimal, which is 85 and up).

However, despite total, REM, deep sleep, and the like being solid, I woke up with “minor signs” on Monday morning, showing that I had an elevated body temperature and respiration rate, even though my heart rate variability (HRV) was within baseline range. I didn’t even know I felt off yet, but the ring picked up on my elevated overnight temp and breathing. Pretty cool!

So, I had immune defense on top of mind upon waking up, even though I still felt asymptomatic, with the exception of feeling a bit more fatigued than normal after going bike riding the day before (Sunday afternoon). So I had a bunch of my usual homeopathic medicines that have helped before. Sure enough, a few hours later I felt a slight sticky throat, but had already downed a bunch of preventative measures, made tea, drank water, and did what I could. The nice thing about these natural immune meds is they allow your body to get a fever and flush it out. I’m a big fan of Cold-EEze Zinc lozenges and Umcka brand cold and flu relief items. I also had AG1 and a ton of orange juice.

Sure enough, I felt mostly better as Monday went on, and by this early to mid day today, I felt back to normal. I even woke up today with no symptom radar. Not sure how much if the ring and natural meds were a complete panacea, or I got lucky, but it’s encouraging nonetheless!

Worth a quick mention: TicketMaster/Live Nation losing in federal court: www.youtube.com/watch Kudos to the states that pressed on!

I’ve talked before about how monopolistic their practices have become. Around the same time, I saw that Live Nation is offering $30 tickets for certain shows. See here: www.kgw.com/article/e…

I can’t help but wonder if this is saving face from worsening bad press, or if this preemptively satisfies some undisclosed, anti-trust, court-mandated requirements? It’s unclear from what I can see, but I’ll be staying tuned what happens in the near future.