I’m confident that subtle narcissistic tendencies in people manifest in different insidious forms, yet apathy, ghosting, stonewalling, and the silent treatment often get overlooked—or outright excused. In other words, low emotional intelligence at best, if not bankrupt emotional IQ.

Right now, I feel quite inspired by Jefferson Fisher’s content. I mentioned him before and his book “The Next Conversation” is fantastic. I highly recommend his content to anyone, and especially those motivated to finetune their communication phraseology. Recently I’ve shifted from consuming far less news, and more expository content universally applicable to all areas of my life, such as better communication.

I listen to Jefferson Fisher’s podcast episodes either on Apple Podcasts (because it is easy to see/track what I’ve already listened to or not) when in the car or doing something, or on YouTube, when I can sit down to watch. I also love his YouTube shorts, since I don’t have a TikTok account. When I implement his communication curriculum into my life, it sorts out other people’s hurtful nonsense automatically, without needing to waste any precious time speculating. Invariably, such overanalysis leads to social anxiety creeping in, impairing relational judgment for… nothing.

From my experience, very real, very unpleasant consequences arise from more direct, honest, and respectful communication. Historically, I accepted less than the bare minimum from others to either avoid conflict or loneliness (most often both) and either way, it reflected profound insecurity. I now vow to seek above the bare minimum, every time, through situationally tailored communication phraseology—even when the initial consequences include conflict, pushback, and distance, or in the worst cases, ghosting and estrangement. I feel confident that conflict and loneliness will happen when dealing with the most emotionally immature people. Yet I know it can get mitigated through mindful intentionality that refocuses energy on new activities and people who will actually like me and love me for all of who I am, unconditionally.

I find it very important to refuse responsibility for other people’s apathy, without apology or excuse. For example, any time someone chooses not to respond to me, chooses to refuse responsibility for their hurtful actions, or tells me they aren’t even open to resolution, then they justifiably fail to earn reciprocal effort from me. Yet it goes far deeper for me. My faith erodes in their character and integrity. As Jefferson Fisher says, good relationships require hard conversations.

After all, I apologize and take responsibility when someone specifies what I did wrong to hurt them. Like everyone, I make mistakes sometimes in how I communicate or act towards others. I know I can be a hothead when I feel wronged, and I take responsibility for being quick to react intensely. The difference between me and so many other people I know well is that I actually care to do the right thing afterwards. I actually care to foster a mutually workable solution, and think in those terms. Therefore, I have unfortunately developed a shorter-than-ideal fuse when I feel dismissively treated.

I have watched all of Jefferson Fisher’s YouTube shorts and I highly encourage people to watch all of them, if they resonate with you as powerfully as they did with me. Here are 30 of them (in descending order of popularity/views) that feel super relevant for my own communication struggles with challenging personalities. I included so many videos here because of how short they are, often a minute or less.

  1. Use This Phrase On The Silent Treatment www.youtube.com/shorts/Mv…
  2. How To Handle The Silent Treatment www.youtube.com/shorts/dp…
  3. How To Cross Examine a Narcissist www.youtube.com/shorts/sT…
  4. What To Say When You Feel Left Out www.youtube.com/shorts/rj…
  5. How To Deal With Narcissists www.youtube.com/shorts/Ss…
  6. Difference Between Narcissism and Insecurity www.youtube.com/shorts/Zv…
  7. What To Do When Someone Is Stonewalling You www.youtube.com/shorts/tp…
  8. Lawyer’s #1 Strategy For Disarming a Narcissist www.youtube.com/shorts/Cf…
  9. A Quick Reminder For You www.youtube.com/shorts/27…
  10. What To Say To A Passive Aggressive Person www.youtube.com/shorts/yP…
  11. Someone Who Always Plays The Victim www.youtube.com/shorts/Vz…
  12. Use This On Manipulative Comments www.youtube.com/shorts/Vz…
  13. How To Stop A Never-Ending Argument www.youtube.com/shorts/AF…
  14. What To Say When They Deflect www.youtube.com/shorts/c8…
  15. How To Tell If You Are Gaslighting Someone www.youtube.com/shorts/xx…
  16. How To Prepare For The Conversation You Are Avoiding www.youtube.com/shorts/TD…
  17. What To Say To Someone Who Undermines You www.youtube.com/shorts/t3…
  18. How To Handle Insults www.youtube.com/shorts/4-…
  19. How To Not Be Dismissive www.youtube.com/shorts/hC…
  20. How To Handle Deflection www.youtube.com/shorts/zn…
  21. When Someone Puts Words In Your Mouth www.youtube.com/shorts/rV…
  22. How To Handle Someone Looking For A Fight www.youtube.com/shorts/vk…
  23. What To Say When Someone Talks Down To You www.youtube.com/shorts/54…
  24. What To Say When Someone Belittles You www.youtube.com/shorts/54…
  25. What To Say To Someone Emotionally Immature www.youtube.com/shorts/pk…
  26. How To Remove Drama For A Conflict www.youtube.com/shorts/We…
  27. How To Handle Bad Excuses www.youtube.com/shorts/rN…
  28. How To Handle a Hothead www.youtube.com/shorts/RR…
  29. Demanding Apologies www.youtube.com/shorts/LK…
  30. When They Invalidate Your Feelings www.youtube.com/shorts/Nm…