Day To Be Living

I must say, it’s pretty cool to see the latest podcast interview with Obama released on Valentine’s Day, of all days, hosted by Brian Tyler Cohen (I don’t think the day of love timing was a coincidence, given the stark contrast of his presidency to the current one). www.youtube.com/watch

It’s long at 47 minutes, but worth the entire listen! It’s refreshing to hear him talk again, especially now in 2026. He complimented Bad Bunny’s Superbowl performance, which was cool to see. The thing is, Obama has this magic, charismatic aura. You just can’t help but listen to the guy and like him. There’s just this thoughtful way of public speaking, in how he gives nuance and wisdom to politics. Nothing new there. What did surprise me though was that he talked about the importance of having younger newcomers in politics, and mentioning there’s a time when you “age out” of politics and relating to young people well, as a member of the youngest cohort of baby boomers, now 64 years old (maybe it was a subtle reference to Biden)?

Substantively, as a progressive, while I resonated with Obama’s content here, I do think he downplayed and dismissed the well-documented dangers of so-called “corporate Democrats,” especially with big money in politics, and condemned only the most heinous of ICE’s actions in WAY too mild of terms. I also found it interesting, but very on brand, that he wouldn’t answer which foreign leaders didn’t like as president, but referenced the vast “public record” on it. I’m sure those like Vladimir Putin, Benjamin Netanyahu, and Hamid Karzai rank high on the Obama (honorable no-mention) shit list…

I’ll admit I got a bit side tracked with the ICE building tax bill from other unrelated random thoughts on my mind I wanted to share.

First, and definitely MOST important, my wife is doing part one of her pipefitting apprenticeship turnout test today! So proud of her! It’s been a lot of on the job training, school, and it’s physically and mentally demanding. I’ve seen the improvement, and I look forward to hearing how it goes later. I know she’s got this! I’ll be sure to update more about it all as I hear more.

Today I went on a beautiful pre-dawn run with the dogs. I’ve been taking good care of myself, going to bed early, eating well, exercising, and sleeping well. Sometimes all of the boring bullshit really does make you feel better, as Stavros Halkias said in a podcast episode one time with Caleb Hearon. I love the Oura ring, and it’s synchronicity with Strava for running and Headspace for meditation, and seeing pretty accurate stress updates throughout the day. It’s been pretty cool so far, and I look forward to new stats, once I’ve worn the ring long enough. I’ve been doing 1, 3, or 5 min breathing meditations, and stretching, to reinvigorate blood flow rather than over-caffeinating. So far, so good. It’s like trying to get “back into shape” with meditation after being out of shape. Short guided meditations that I’m getting in the habit of.

Also, I ran out of dog food yesterday morning (which is what I meant to post about) and so Cici and Sage got un-seasoned scrambled eggs and white rice, along with half a can of wet cat food each. They both gobbled it up and loved it! AI has been pretty cool for giving me feedback on cooking problems, or what to give the dogs when I ran out of kibble before the pet store opened. I also made a healthy Kimchi, tofu, roasted tempeh, carrots, and potatoes dish that was kind of bland, and asked AI for some suggestions on making it better the other day.

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I want to continue my ICE rant, on some things I forgot to say last night because I was tired, but with just slightly more brevity today, although it’s still a bunch of word vomit. If you don’t want to hear more for now, you can stop here. Otherwise, proceed:

Check out the City of Portland trying to impose impact fees on the kidnapper building. It’s a creative, and I’d argue legally defensible approach to a very unfortunate U.S. Constitutional Supremacy problem. As I know as a Master’s degree graduate in Public Administration, Oregon is a one of many “home rule” states in the U.S., meaning that local jurisdictions are given wide latitude to make local policy, provided it doesn’t directly conflict with state law.

While it’s often simplest to voluntarily comply with local zoning law, ultimately the feds can do whatever they want and bulldoze local law if they want (historically that virtually never happens though). Fortunately, there’s still a legal tug of war between various interpretations of the Constitution and statute. Even when lawsuits lose, a zoning/development legal fight would severely gum up and slow down ICE facility construction, operation, or private detention center development. Legally it’s even more justifiable if private for-profit contractors run ICE operations, as contractors are not the federal government and shouldn’t get constitutional supremacy privileges, since regular for-profit businesses don’t.

Cities need to have every policy and enforcement tool on the books to create the most willfully hostile and unwelcoming operational environment to ICE as possible. Local jurisdictions must flood the zone with all the red tape and lawsuits conceptually feasible. This is the one context where I will praise red tape, bureaucracy, and blatant governmental inefficiency in the interest of civil rights. But after all, the huge irony of course, is that it’s pretty fucking inefficient from an immigration standpoint to arbitrarily enforce the law. If efficiency was the goal, we’d adjudicate immigration benefits, and have a working system. But of course, cruelty is the actual goal.

Don’t forget the last parts of the Bill of Rights, to the extent they still kind of/sort of still exist: the 10th Amendment adds to the 9th Amendment, by reserving powers to the States and People for what’s not enumerated in the Constitution. It has helped legally protect Sanctuary Law.

Okay, that’s all on these ICE fuckers and their accomplices for now.

Well, I had other things I considered writing about today, and rather than running out of things to write about each day, my list seems to be growing longer! I don’t want to think about ICE, let alone write about them, but after discovering something new today about them property tax related, it was on my mind. This is the last thing I hope I’ll want to say about the Goon Squad for a long time, fingers crossed! So here goes:

I was a bit surprised to discover that the despicable, racist, Republican landlord who leases to these masked gestapo, did NOT file a current property value appeal for this upcoming Property Values Appeal Board (PVAB) season. I was a bit surprised the ICE building wasn’t actively appealed, given that it’s classified as an office. It’s no secret offices have struggled as a property class in Portland particularly. Moreover, the real market value (RMV) of this property was several million dollars above any potential tax savings, so it would not be mathematically “easy” to appeal. That said, the current appeal season is for the 1/1/2025 assessment date, which was of course before Biden left office.

What will be really interesting to see is what happens a year from now, for the 1/1/2026 assessment date, after the Trump 2.0 shitshow commenced. If there’s no PVAB appeal a year from now, that will be slightly more surprising, although not shocking, given that site inspections are part of the property tax appeal process. It’s highly unlikely local government personnel would be granted a site visit, given the public animosity between the City of Portland and this landlord. It’s not a conceptual leap to think another local jurisdictional headache might not be worth an unguaranteed and potentially long shot property tax savings. But this guy has a long, publicly documented appeal history over decades with different properties in different counties, so who knows?

The address is 4310 S Macadam Ave in Portland, Oregon, 97239 (Multnomah County tax account number R327918).

The landlord’s name is Stuart Lindquist, and he operates under the State of Oregon registered LLC name “4310 Building LLC.” From just a Google search, you’ll quickly see what I mean about this dickwad. And anything owned by this private LLC, or anyone with a real property economic interest at all in it whatsoever. It’s amazing how much property information is publicly available, let alone what the local press covers, and rightly so. You can also learn more about the Stuart Lindquist and his 4310 Building LLC by going to the Oregon Secretary of State business lookup sos.oregon.gov/business/… A great resource indeed!

All info on site addresses, account numbers, property ownership, tax amounts, and appeal history for most real property (land and building) accounts are required to be publicly available record by statute, unless expressly suppressed, exempted, or stated otherwise (such as business personal property or real property machinery and equipment returns that must keep secret). I am not sharing any information that isn’t publicly available.

So, did I personally look up all the available real property tax account details for ICE’s private landlord? Of course I did! It’s perfectly within my right to do so. You can too! Check it out: multcoproptax.com

Trust me, as long as the state-sponsored kidnappers tragically have long-term tenancy, and many more than one newsworthy permit violation, I’d LOVE to see this building get taxed as much as humanly possible. I guess one unintended consequence of having this gestapo building privately owned is that there is an extra $300,000ish in tax revenue going to our local community. If the federal government owned the building too, there’d be no taxes at all. But a private landlord leasing to the federal government? No exemption!

That said, $300K in tax revenue is negligible relative to the harms being done. In fact, just impact fees to the City have exceeded revenue multiple times over. The building is a net tax liability by any reasonable measure. So $300,000 is really barely covering it. I’d MUCH rather have no ICE related tax revenue and ICE abolished.

It was reported that ICE pays Lindquist $2.45 million per year in rent. If true, depending on the lease structure, it’s plausible enough. Given that, property taxes at $300K would be roughly 12% of rent, especially if it’s a gross or even a modified gross lease often found with offices, rather than a triple net structure more often found in retail and industrial real estate. I’d guess it’s a gross lease with higher rent given that ICE probably wants to outsource property management and expense logistics, given that they’re far more hyper-fixated on harming, profiling, and detaining anyone nonwhite presenting, than managing real estate portfolios efficiently or effectively. See this article: nextcity.org/urbanist-…

That said, it really says a lot that ICE must operate as a tenant directly, rather than as a for-profit private prison contractor company like GeoGroup or Core Civic, which would expressly violate Oregon’s Sanctuary Law. That said, it’s still the shittiest, slimiest circumvention of Sanctuary policy to have ICE presence at all, with a private landlord profiting, even if Multnomah County gets to taking a $300,000 cut as a “silver lining.” It’d still be far better for society to get $300,000K in tax revenue from private equity, Amazon, or Walmart, or better yet, from none of the above, over the status quo. But I’ll take $300,000 over nothing to make up for their impact costs to the city, if the masked gestapo just won’t fucking leave. At least this comparatively sizable tax bill goes to exclusively woke and liberally-led taxing jurisdictions. Regardless of tax amounts, I hope impact fees make it no longer profitable to operate.

Have I fantasized about how much fun it would be to add, I don’t know… a billion dollars or two billion dollars in new tax assessment (known as “exception value”) to the account? You bet!

That said, do I want to keep my job? Also yes!

The minutiae of my job is invariably emotionally neutral. It’s mathy, analytical, and at times, a bit dry. I don’t take pride in how much or little something is assessed. It’s just about getting the value right, and acting fairly and equitably within the parameters of the law (however, Oregon’s property tax law is famously sometimes not fair or equitable).

But that said, I really loathe account number R327918. What a terrible property. Sewer plants, landfills, and prisons all sound like more appealing properties to assess taxes on.

You can also see the tax graphs, which I’ve included here: taxgraph.multco.us

Anyways, so that was a really geeky and very long-winded way of saying, fuck ICE. Abolish ICE. They can all go choke and suffocate on the fattest of cocks, for reasons obvious to anyone with the most basic of consciences.

Graphs:

1. The band Parcels has some fun jams. I randomly crossed paths at the grocery store with the star cross country runner at my high school a couple months ago, and he mentioned these guys and texted me a YouTube link to their show: www.youtube.com/watch Parcel’s live in studio set was pretty fun and funky. I was pretty impressed with the first few songs. I had heard of them a few years ago, as their hit “Tieduprightnow” (last song on this live studio production) came up on the “Greg’s Jem’s” Spotify playlist songs liked by Greg Ormont, who is the frontman for Pigeons Playing Ping Pong.

2. Matisyahu is an interesting dude. He is a Jewish American rapper, and also a Phish fan, I found out. Goose’s first drummer, Ben Atkind, who’s now a freelance drummer, drummed with him at this show (maybe he is doing more?). Ben Atkind is a cool guy. Saw him with the Alls Eye on my 30th birthday and met him. He was just as cool in person as you’d expect, and bought me a drink and chatted for a min. One of my wife’s former coworkers, who is a jam band fan, texted me a link to this show with Ben at the kit last December for one of Matisyahu’s hit songs “King Without a Crown.” A good vibe indeed: www.youtube.com/watch

3. Annika Niles. She’s great! Looking forward to seeing her live. I mean, I didn’t think Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson would ever play again, let along with an insanely talented 40-something German woman I hadn’t heard of, who played for the late great guitarist Jeff Beck. This video was pretty cool and showed off her talent: www.youtube.com/watch

4. Bruce Hornsby, has a new song Indigo Park out last week. www.youtube.com/watch Bruce was my first ever concert at the Oregon Zoo, August 25, 2001 at the age of 6. Started relistening to his older material too, but excited for anything new by him. Amazing rhythm and lead on keys, and vocals. Stoked to see him again this summer in Portland! Met him with my dad in 2017, and his band member J.T. Thomas twice pre-show. Great people.

5. Pulled this one from the vault, but recently came up again on my YouTube when looking through past music videos I liked. Danny Carey, Tool’s drummer is phenomenal. I don’t listen to much of Tool’s music, but this is among my favorite Tool songs, and this video is great, as it is live and drumming focused video here published by the drumming company Vic Firth. Awesome to listen to rhythmically: www.youtube.com/watch

I figured today I’d talk about sports and beer, since it’s Super Bowl day. My wife and I are going over to a friend’s house to watch the game, and especially the halftime show, since they are big Bad Bunny fans.

The fact that the poor guy has gotten death threats for the incorrect perception that he is not American as a Puerto Rican is a disgrace. How do so many dumbasses not understand that Puerto Ricans are U.S. Citizens? Puerto Rico and the CNMI (where I was born, with birthright citizenship) should both be states. But they aren’t, because Republicans understand that they’d be reliably blue. So, they’re treated like second-class territories, when they should be treated with the legal and cultural respect that all other of the 50 states get.

Yes, Bad Bunny is Puerto Rican, nonwhite, and his songs are all in Spanish, despite his English name. I don’t identify with his music personally, or understand it, but I absolutely respect both his talent, and public persona.

I also wish I loved sports in a healthy way, the way some people do, with their tight knit community of friends that are also hard core fans. I always enjoy watching football, soccer, basketball, or baseball, when it’s on, or hanging out at the pub to watch. But I always feel a bit embarrassed and insecure about my limited knowledge of players, coaches, teams, niche rules of the game, or my weak fandom. I also haven’t had cable or a TV at home for a long time, and had a lot of other life things going on. I think it’s much like not watching many movies, TV shows, or playing video games. I enjoy all of it, but just don’t spend a lot of time doing said activities.

Sports and beer just go well together. It’s like peanut butter and jelly on a sandwich. Or wine and cheese. Or cannabis and jam band music. Or MDMA and EDM music. Or black coffee and key lime pie or a scone. I don’t know, I’m sure there’s other great classic pairings I’m missing. Bluetooth headphones and a smartphone?

Where was I going with that? Oh yeah. Beer. The Athletic Brewing non alcoholic IPAs are pretty awesome. They actually taste as good and as close to the real thing as I’ve had yet. I’ve had bad to decent non alcoholic beers, but this one hits well, for the ambiance and flavor, as I continue on with a dry 2026.

Today I am worked on adding some images and memes to some past posts. While I love all the blogging that I’ve done and the rollercoaster of random side quests that my mind has taken me on, I figured some on-topic visuals would add to the wall of text, and I made a start. I’ll went back to the beginning and added at least something for every post, and will try to do so for most posts going forward.

Today was good, but unusual with working a half day to fine tune my property tax trial report in the morning hours, which only felt better as the morning went on. The corrections my senior appraiser suggested, in conjunction of my own analysis started to just really click and sound the way I wanted. It was exactly the fruits of my labor I needed after having a good enough attitude, but growing marginally less stoked about the assignment, with diminishing dopamine and serotonin the more time elapsed. I reassured my reviewers that their feedback was well received. I responded well to everything, but it was good experience growing through my occasional embarrassment, if there was an obvious error inconspicuously tucked away somewhere, or a detail I hadn’t considered. I’ve definitely improved internally in not beating myself up, or taking that type of stuff as personally, even when I try to conceal it from others. But it’s the first time I’ve been required to do an in-depth analytical writing project as a paid professional. The cool part was putting to use all of the shit learned in school, and college. Get your notepads out, kids! There’s always a time in life when the math has to be mathing, and the words have to be wording!

It was also cool that I was allowed to use generative AI in my job to help me refine some sentence fluency and organization, and look for redundancies, but keep the substance and word choice. In absolutely no way could AI have written a comparably good report for me without my original ideas. It was only to polish my writing, and even then, I only liked (or partially liked) what AI fixed maybe half of the time in sections. AI is also notorious for hallucinating and making false statements that in niche, complicated generative AI searches that aren’t always obvious to spot… Despite the tangible efficiency gains, it just don’t see a plausible scenario where AI is taking my job, or most professionals' jobs anytime soon. To me, AI chatbots are mostly amped up search engines.

Since I had some extra time this afternoon, I went for my first long, slowish jog in a couple of weeks, (12.98 miles, just shy of a half marathon). I really felt my decline in peak fitness from my marathon last October. Getting sick, running fewer miles, skiing instead, and just navigating life’s inevitable day-to-day bullshit had be slacking a bit. That said, I’m still in decent shape, as I realize not everyone (maybe even most people) aren’t fit enough to casually run 13 miles. It felt great though getting crisp and fresh sunny winter air after spending too much time indoors and on screens. But I still ran our overweight Flat Coated Retriever for the first mile since it was warm, and ran our anxious small German Shepherd for the entire 13 miles along trails near our neighborhood. While I felt great throughout the run, I felt pretty fatigued and lazy upon returning home. I tried to stay in tune to my body and mind.

After showering and eating freshly cooked pumpkin waffles, with berries, mangoes, hemp seeds, and a little syrup, I laid down on the couch. Normally I have a hard time just sitting still, not doing something, or being distracted by something. My smartphone and laptop were accidentally left in the other room, and I just felt reminded of the value in being able to relax for a few min, without scrolling, or doing anything. With this new Oura ring, I have a free trial of the Headspace meditation app. I haven’t gotten into a rhythm or habit yet, still, of meditating. My watch’s 5 min breathing meditation auto-posts to Strava without specifying its meditation, or anything relevant, and I never took the time to disable or fix that feature. So far I like it Headspace, maybe more than Simple Habit. I also can use my MERP/FSA card for a Headspace subscription. Every time I see my individual therapist, we settle in for a brief, maybe 90 second breathing. It’s been great. Would recommend for anyone seeing a therapist.

One of things I’ve been thinking about is how important it is to have some hobbies that you are into, and your partner (if you have one), and/or those who you may live with. Being less burned out, and taking care of yourself makes you more able to take care of others. I think setting an intention and discipline for self care, where you cultivate independent interests outside of work, school, or your family is vital. My wife has been into crafty projects, including sewing, gardening, and now “aquascaping” and having a fish tank. It works well for her brain, and nervous system and serves as a good passion and distraction, as well as reading. Even though I’m not an active participant in her hobbies, I’m still supportive however I can. It’s pretty cool to see.

In addition to outdoor activities, playing music is one of my hobbies. I’ve always had an aptitude here, and noticed sounds more than most. I am very grateful to my parents for gently encouraging me to play guitar and getting me lessons a kid! I am someone who is usually minimalistic and prefers quality over quantity anyday. If I can’t justify a use for something, I likely don’t buy it or have it. I’m very rarely an impulse buyer.

Anyways, many years ago, I bought my uncle’s Modulus Graphite Series electric guitar (I couldn’t afford it as a teenager, but my parents loaned me the money interest free to buy it, and I paid them back). This guitar is custom made with dual active EMG pickups and a tremolo bar. It sounds absolutely amazing on its own, and the playability is easy, smooth on my fingers, and stays in tune very well. It’s even more perfect with the Fender Princeton Reverb Amp, with for a clean, jam band sound. If you have one high quality guitar, and one high quality tube amp, you are set. The amp’s analog sound has a reputation for staying clean and toneful even at moderately loud volumes, and doesn’t naturally distort without a ton of input. An analog fuzz pedal can mimic.

Everything else, effects, pedals, are all just “extra” (although I eventually bought used an M13 digital effects unit and a JamMan looper).

It’s a great experience to play jam out, and play, and it’s on my short-to-medium term goal list to start playing open mics and with other people, but there is something about learning a new song, experimenting with improvisational scales and chords, with bass, acoustic, or vocals that has a calming, artistic effect on my soul. Even if it’s just picking up the guitar for 15 min on a regular basis, it feels like a reigniting of my passion. Will talk more sometime, but I’m getting tired tonight. Looking back, I’m like, “man, haha my thought flow went on a random, strange journey!”

Check out below the photo of my guitar setup. The M13 has pretty cool, color coded lights, which adds to the ambiance.

Haven’t posted much here. It’s been a busy week. But more to come soon on some other topics. Maybe I’ll even do two separate posts in a day? I don’t know; we’ll see.

I’m excited to now have an Oura Ring! Initially I wanted to stay in the Garmin ecosystem, but I realized different tools are better for different things. For illness detection, sleep, and stress tracking, Oura is objectively superior. Having a symptom radar that might be able to notify me in advance of getting sick was quite the selling point! For logging outdoor physical activities, tracking running stats, and the like though, Garmin is objectively superior. It’s no different than having a Mac versus a Windows PC, or a wrench versus a screwdriver. It’s nice to have both tools in the toolbox.

I didn’t want to drop $300 on an Oura ring, but when I learned that I was able to use my MERP debit card (medical expense reimbursement plan) which basically functions as a pre-tax HSA/FSA type of thing, I decided to go for it! Better yet, annual subscriptions for Oura, and for apps like Headspace are also now eligible! (Not to mention the Garmin Index Sleep Monitor I heard had syncing issues for those already with watches, for what that’s worth, and the only true value add would have been skin temp, which the Oura ring tracks).

At first it was a bit of a hassle being between sizes. The sizing kit is misleading as the plastic sizers stay on your fingers better than a metal ring. I was between size 10 and 11, and initially bought 11, and after some hassle, got size 10 instead. I learned it’s better to erring on the smaller size based on your index finger, even if your fingers are more swollen in the morning, and your knuckles aren’t super knobby. I also got a basic inexpensive silicone ring protector too.

I look forward to seeing stats as they improve these next weeks!

Well, I’m 90% over my cold, but still not 100%. I haven’t exercised in a week, and I’m just taking it one day at a time. All said, I’ve gotten through it fairly quickly. Okay back to what this post is really about:

I think much like marathon training, it matters to spend most of your “training” time on life’s challenges by building endurance at a comfortable, conversational pace as you develop excellence, or even improve at something, with whatever you’re doing. It could be your new job, improving at a work assignment, joining a meeting, building emotional intelligence in your closest relationships.

Marathon training tears up your muscles and rebuilds in small, consistent ways that are easy to recover from, over many months. Doing so also helps you get stronger for when you attempt faster, more intense, grueling runs, like the metaphorical 5K races. I realized this last year when I completed my first marathon last October. I could not have finished 26.2 miles by just being the best Olympian relay racer sprinting 400 meters around the track. While counterintuitive, I saw first-handedly how much surprisingly faster I became when attempting “race pace” mileage in the 10K to half marathon range, by doing lots of easy, comfortable jogging between 14-22 miles at a time. It was more enjoyable, less painful, and I got much stronger (cardiovascularly and muscularly) than I would have otherwise.

I think this running metaphor is really apt for life’s struggles or failures, learning something difficult, developing additional excellence at something where you already have talent, or overcoming pain or trauma. If the intensity of struggle were figuratively assigned a 1-5 heart rate zone scale, I would also say that it matters to fail small, quickly, and often, mostly in the zone 2 range. It builds the self-esteem and endurance to keep going, when you can know and be reassured, by yourself, and others when needed, that nothing is catastrophic. The same cannot be said when it’s too late.

Too much criticism and failure happen can happen much later, when it is actually a big deal. I’ve learned that does NOT build resilience, even if it is the perception of catastrophe rather than actual catastrophe, or when it’s just anything more than minor. Overcoming lots of tiny hurdles and criticisms is what actually builds internal resilience. There’s a reason why starting a project to fix my car by myself, or reading a 1,000 page Shakespearean fiction book is too much for me, without someone holding my hand through it. Scott Galloway once said, and I’m forgetting where, that if you fail, and you fail quickly, consider it a blessing, rather than investing more capital (financial, emotional, physical, or otherwise) into something that you have to forfeit, that just is never going to work. Note to self: maybe apply the Serenity Prayer here?

Perhaps to some of you, this all sounds obvious. And if that’s you, then consider yourself very fortunate. But I think for far too many people, hundreds of millions or more, and myself included, it’s a lesson that is only starting to click in my early 30s.

I’m fortunate right now to have a boss and an individual therapist (who I meet one-on-one with regularly), who I know both like me, respect me, believe in me, and also know me. That has not always been the case before. I worked very hard up until last week, on a new weeks-long trial appraisal report for a multi-tenant retail building that I’d never done before. I did excellent work (better than I initially reassured myself). I notice that oftentimes I do slightly, and sometimes much better in just about everything than I give myself credit for. Conversely, even in things that don’t go perfectly or as planned, they usually aren’t quite as catastrophic as I often think.

Anyways, when I turned in my first and best attempt, there were a couple typos, formatting issues, and potential phrasing issues I hadn’t considered in prep. My boss started the conversation reassuring me that my hard work was great, and was nearly ready to go, but wanted to fine tune a few blind spots. I sincerely appreciated it, and the constructive “criticisms” felt well received, and I know they were done to hone my skills, and reflect professionally on our team. If anything, I’d much rather have my boss provide feedback while I’m in prep mode, rather than not say anything, and find out later during a property tax trial, when a few small oversights could matter a lot more.

I probably started thinking about all of this blog post due to my individual therapist. He even mentioned one time how me being “resistant” to some of this wasn’t even a criticism, but a healthy reflection of where my mind and body is at. Going to meetups, running clubs, and being allowed to “fail” at making new friends is a goal he’s setting that is “zone 2” equivalent for my social and rejection angst. Come to think of it, it was fucking brilliant, and something I didn’t consider. Instinctively I didn’t want to, but deep down I knew I could. And when I have gone to these meetups, it’s been so much easier than 5 or 10 years ago. Sometimes, you just don’t know how much mentally stronger you are, and how much easier it feels, until you attempt the same exact thing at 30 instead of 20 or 25.

What probably represents the upcoming metaphorical zone 3 or 4 “tempo/threshold pace” for me is in a couple of months when I will attend a volunteer orientation at the Dougy Center, which helps youth that have been through horrific trauma, such as losing both parents at 8 years old due to fentanyl overdoses type of shit. My therapist has been involved volunteering there, and it is not a place I would have ever sought out on my own. It’s not a place that would have come up on a social media targeted ad.

My current individual therapist is the best I’ve ever had, by leaps and bounds. He is a married, childfree, young and liberal black man, who has served in the military and has profound expertise, intellectually and personally, in all sorts of PTSD. He is the first person who has called me out on my bullshit in a manner that somehow feels just… I don’t know? Maybe safe, kind, and well-intentioned comes to mind. In a way that is surmountable, rather than something just outright fucked. He thinks the Dougy Center would be a good challenge for my social anxiety and rejection issues, when I’m ready, AND in baby steps, starting with the orientation. His sales pitch of this group was wholesome and compelling, to say the least.

Being around kids, especially groups of them, generally makes me very uneasy, based on my own childhood. It played likely the biggest role in me feeling a very strong aversion to ever becoming a parent (my decision journey in being voluntarily childfree, I’ll discuss in another post sometime). I’ve just always connected with adults better my whole life, even as a kid. I felt queasy at the thought of even going to the Dougy Center. But I also realized that property tax assessment, or delivering packages for Amazon Flex, while honorable, doesn’t yield the same category of emotional meaning for myself or society. The Dougy Center would also give me some sense of meaning and giving back, at a time of profound post-pandemic societal loneliness, remote work, and growing through my own personal discomfort in a very safe, and experiential setting. I think of myself as normally a very logical person, but social anxiety is so powerful via domination by emotion, even when intellectually, I know better.

I look forward to saying more on how it goes when the time comes in a couple months. But in the meantime, I’m still challenging myself with branching out, sometimes comfortably, sometimes less so (but not excruciatingly so), all with small, frequent steps, one at a time.

I must give a short shoutout to the recently released book by Bernie Sanders titled “Fighting Oligarchy,” detailing the record-setting 2025 rally tour, for an 83 (now 84) year old Brooklyn, New York-born white guy NOT running for office. It’s an excellent and short 3ish hour listen on audiobook from the public library’s Libby app, so I listened once I got notified it was my turn. (Although for those of you who prefer print editions, it’s out now.)

Interestingly enough, I see many parallels between Dr. Anthony Fauci and Senator Bernie Sanders, as they were both born in New York City in the 1940s. Both are fascinating public servants, and among the most positively influential American heroes in my view. It’s really a shame how much hate and vitriol both men have received, especially from Republicans.

What makes this read by Sanders especially interesting is the current events of it all. It’s great to see the first person perspective of going out and drawing tens of thousands of people, in some of the reddest parts of the country, including Nebraska and Idaho. He also talks about the why Kamala Harris really fucked up where she needed to win, and why the asshole-in-Chief took office again, and I totally agree.

I am about 99% in agreement with Sanders on just virtually everything I’ve ever heard him say. The only minor caveat would be in realizing that occasionally, billionaires do good with their money, and support charitable foundations that actually have an impact (something Sanders fails to mention). Additionally, every once in a while, but not often enough, a well-regulated free market exists for X good or service, with balanced supply and demand, that does a good job at setting appropriate prices, and producing/selling efficient quantities of said X good or service. At times, I recognize that capitalism can incentivize cutting edge corporate research and innovation, albeit usually with massive venture capital and/or private equity, as well as targeted public investment.

I identify as a Democratic Socialist, and have, as long as I have understood the term. I don’t think pure socialism or pure capitalism is good, and I think both trigger words are misunderstood. We need a hybrid of socialism and capitalism: socialism for basic universal human needs, like infrastructure, utilities, education; and capitalism for the “wants” like niche and artisanal goods, service-based discretionary wants, and professional and creative services. I think capitalism is fine, IF and ONLY IF, the following criteria are met: producers are price takers not makers, there are low barriers to market entry, value differentiation in comparable products and businesses, monopoly prevention, and incentives for innovation. Very rarely in America are all of these criteria ACTUALLY met, which is why people justifiably hate on capitalism and “the system.”

Anyways, back to Sanders' book, I appreciate that, among other things, he lays out a vision for employee ownership in companies, a 32 hour work week, with strong unions, and a robust history lesson showing struggle and sacrifice. He also explains the disturbing rise of fascism around the world in 2025 largely due to unchecked power and greed, and relates his lifelong work to where we are today in the trenches of Project 2025. I’m sick of his repetitive talking points on mainstream media, so hearing him go into the niche details on American historical events and examples around the world here was enlightening. His calls to action, involvement, and persevering through despair was inspiring to hear. A must read!

I wasn’t sure what to write about today. I took the day off of work to sleep in and rest, and the cold I contracted has been on the average to milder side, fortunately. I’ve been less pissy today, and accepted that sometimes, shit happens like getting sick, if you aren’t social distancing and masking 24/7. Sometimes I feel like “why me,” since I feel like I take good care of my health but feel like I get sick more than the average person. That said, when you’re sick, it’s too easy to forget that everyone gets exposed to respiratory viruses. Everyone from Taylor Swift to Geddy Lee have had to cancel live concerts from getting colds. Just hoping I recover quickly more than anything.

Recently, I heard Jim Hacking, the YouTube immigration lawyer I’ve been following closely, encourage people to just “continue to do the next right thing” when anxious about travel and visa bans. I’ve been trying to “do the next right thing” with getting better from illness. Yes, it’s true with immigration by filing applications so any delays are due to the government, not the applicant. But it’s also just a good life philosophy I strive to follow!

Although Hacking apparently became a muslim later in life when marrying his Egyptian-born wife (he is the only specific person I’ve heard about that identifies as both white and muslim), he rather unexpectedly quoted the Serenity Prayer. I was really surprised given that he’s muslim, but I’m sure as a Gen X U.S.-born white guy in the midwest, he has no shortage of indirect Christian ties too. I mistakenly thought the Serenity Prayer was part of the Bible, but I read it has long standing old roots in American Christian theology dating back to the 1940s, and AA sobriety programs? I thought it was worth re-quoting, since a reminder for all of us from time to time is good:

“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Amen to that.

Anyways, I had all sorts of random ideas of what to discuss today, but I also wanted to reshare the Missives From Samsara blog post regarding the Kitchen Dwellers. They were the first band I got to see in Denver at Sculpture Park on July 9, 2021 open for my first ever Goose show, and my first outdoor concert after the pandemic hiatus. I don’t typically listen to much “jamgrass” casually at home, but always enjoy seeing it live. A must watch! www.youtube.com/watch

Indeed, it was well said that masked gestapo in the streets is NOT just a problem for immigrants, it’s a problem for ALL of us. Once civil rights deteriorate for one oppressed group, it’s much easier to destroy them for privileged groups, until eventually, everyone is oppressed. It’s why community matters, and gathering of hippies is truly a good start… lol!

The Kitchen Dwellers also covered one of my favorite Widespread Panic songs, “Chilly Water” from this same night 1/24/26 found on their YouTube page. Good stuff!

Last, and only tangentially related: I’ve been loving the SNL clips of late, which hilariously and brilliantly excoriate the current dumpster fire, namely the Cold Open, and Weekend Update skits. Will post more about those sometime soon!

Well, I’m back down with some sort of virus. This time, unlike last week, it’s not just something straining my system in the background. It kind of hit me by surprise, given that I felt fine over the weekend. Woke up today with a swollen throat and fatigue that slighly worsened as they day went on. My biometrics were only off slightly last night, but not at all the night before, or earlier nights, other than about a week ago when my overnight HRV was abnormally low. Although I don’t have temperature tracking with my Garmin Forerunner 265 watch, I wonder if I had an Oura ring if the “symptom radar” would have been triggered. Google Gemini speculated that it likely would have detected at least “minor signs,” but possibly “major signs” if my skin temp increased too. On my medium term “wants” list, I’m adding Garmin’s Index Sleep Monitor, in lieu of an Oura ring, which monitors sleep very well including skin temp comparably well. It would be about $170, keep things in the Garmin ecosystem, and have no subscription fee. It would effectively have all data needed for symptom radar if I looked. However, I’m not sure how much of a “heads up” would have helped as I felt fine yesterday and whatever I have now seemed to just come on out of nowhere. I don’t think all symptoms including biometrics would have gotten 100% percent better for a week, then worsened. Moreover, I did all the right things with zinc lozenges, tea, water, and homeopathic supplements. At this point, I just need to take it easy and let it run its (hopefully short) course. I must have been exposed to two different viruses back to back. Right now seems to be the time of year too. The good news is I haven’t gotten super sick lately. Everything I have had has been mild. Let me not jinx myself though!

Change of topic: I also decided to try out Ziply Fiber for home internet service (since my wife was more or less indifferent but felt similarly) on all of the following points. I got an ad from Ziply for no contracts, free install, and first month free, and a lower price, it seemed like a no brainer, especially for someone that doesn’t have cable TV. For those who don’t know, Ziply uses exclusively fiber optic cable and supposedly has strong equally strong symmetrical upload and download speeds. This is because it uses fiber optic strand from the house all the way to the street, rather than an old school coaxial cable. It also includes 6 GHz signal in addition to the usual dual band 2.4 GHz and 5 GHz found with Xfinity.

Verdict: so far, it’s great! I was able to drop off my Xfinity equipment at the store, and the return process was fairly straightforward, once helped in person. However, they (I’m sure very intentionally) make it impossible to cancel over the phone or online, which is soooo slimy. There was an option for an Xfinity rep to call back on Friday, 3 days from now. Friday?! Are you fucking kidding me?! And they had jacked up my price of $55/month that I’d been paying for a couple of years, unexpectedly, to $85/month a few months ago. The most deal breaker though of it all, was that many of my Verizon phone calls at home (when assisted with WiFi) just weren’t being received from my wife. According to an AI deep dive search, there’s plausible conspiracy speculation that “net neutrality” rules ain’t exactly being observed between competitors Xfinity and Verizon, and Xfinity just doesn’t want Verizon phone users to have a smooth experience. So I’m ruling out one variable at a time. I may switch to T-Mobile for their $800 phone payoff, and then Mint Mobile later for some savings, now that I’ve tried out T-Mobile’s dual e-SIM this month.

Whatever has strong, unlimited connection and doesn’t break the bank is a telecom win in my book!

First of all, anytime Goose announces shows anywhere within a 6 hour driving radius of Portland, Oregon, it’s usually a good day. While the world seems like a dumpster fire, it’s nice to know that Rush, Bruce Hornsby, and Goose are all going to be in the PNW this year. Some good events are on the horizon!

Also, all but one of my important Portland State University tax forms is available, so I’m nearly ready to jointly file taxes early and get a refund. It’s shaped up to be less than I’d hoped, but give or take $2,400 is still better than owing more than that last year, and not expecting it. Every year, my taxes have been simple and rarely take much time. I’ve always just used TurboTax since I liked how easy to use, and convenient it felt.

However, this year, I’m skipping it. I’m sure there’s a plethora of data explaining why TurboTax is as slimy as TicketMaster, or Trump’s gold embroidered Holy Bibles being sold to Make Jesus Great Again (or whatever the fuck that scheme was all about, and I don’t care). However, after inputting the info, they upsold me to something I didn’t sign up for, an was going to charge over $200 to file with “expert assist,” a feature I never used and didn’t want. Called them, couldn’t help, so, I decided to try Free Tax USA, which is probably what I should have used all along. Slightly less intuitive, but all in all, it worked at a fraction of the cost.

As a side note, now that tips and overtime are tax free, due to the Biggest, Most Ugliest Bill of 2025, people have to keep meticulous track and manually calculate. Lucky for my wife, we’ve kept all of her 2025 paystubs, and I could quickly calculate our total deduction, and it helped a few hundred bucks, so yay… but it’s NOT a box on the W-2 form. What the actual fuck? Making tips and overtime tax free sounds great on the surface, but from a national tax policy perspective, it’s so fucking dumb. Just as much as this shit piece of legislation. As we say in property tax assessment, it further entrenches “vertical and horizontal inequities” both to eligible beneficiaries that don’t meticulously track overtime pay, AND to those who make their money not from tips and overtime. While many niche tax deduction programs are important designed to help our most vulnerable, so much could be solved by drastically increasing the standard deduction provided (and itemized too) would fix so many issues around income taxing the poor. Anyways, tax rant over for now!

I was realizing how particular and passionate I’ve become about having good water, coffee, and tea. Like buying groceries compared to getting takeout, it’s relatively inexpensive, especially relative to most cost-of-living expenses.

With good old H20, we inherited an electric water cooler from my wife’s family, although both had filtered water at home for quite a while. Invariably, the water cooler is used by my wife, and I still prefer drinking our filtered water, since I’m of the unpopular opinion that room temperature water is superior… if it is distilled or filtered, and doesn’t taste like the tap! As Rush says in their song “Vital Signs,” “everybody got to deviate from the norm.”

I grew up drinking 5 gallon distilled water jugs we had delivered, and consumed it at room temperature, which I loved. However, in my college and young adult life, I started enjoying the convenience of filtered water, and find most of it tastes good at room temperature, and has the minerals.

Like many people, I got habituated into drinking coffee once I was an adult, maybe 18 or so. I kind of had this stereotypical idea in my head that once you were an adult, you read the newspaper, had a briefcase, and drank dark roast black coffee. It all just sounded so grown up! Among my first true part-time, “payroll” jobs was working for Einstein Bagels (they were much better when they were Noah’s, before they got bought out). Shifts were very early, and along with bagels, coffee was free for workers. That was probably about the time I slowly turned into a coffee addict.

I’ve always liked the aroma of coffee brewing too, or sticking my snout inside of a coffee bag. It’s one of those scents that is a sensory yes, like anything herbal, such as basil, cilantro, or rosemary. I even like the smell of cannabis flower, for someone who isn’t a pothead. Certain aromas are just nice, much like flipping through a freshly printed hardcover book, or a folding a clean load of laundry.

Tea, on the other hand (unlike coffee), I remember having occasionally as a teenager, but not regularly. Maybe occasionally herbal night-time teas? Like coffee, it just wasn’t something I gave much thought about either way.

However, a couple years ago, our family friend who married my wife and I, had an electric tea kettle with temperature control, when he lived with us. Once he moved out, we decided to buy one, and it was a game changer for no longer boiling tea kettle water and burning my tongue regularly out of impatience. Plus, even the most expensive organic, top-tier, free-range, cage-free, fair-trade-certified tea bags bought at Whole Paycheck weren’t going to break the bank, let alone perfectly good mainstream varieties bought at WinCo. Now, we have a whole kitchen drawer filled with teas, ranging from sleep, immunity, stomach, green, earl grey, loose leaf yerba mate, black, ginger, fennel… you name it! Now, I feel like I can wind down early with sleep teas, and put CBD oil or kava in it and sleep great.

It’s been nice because rather than over caffeinate in the afternoon, I’ll choose tea instead as a middle ground. As someone with a fast metabolism, caffeine, like most drugs I’ve had, hits quicker, and fades quicker. In the case of coffee, it’s fully worn off after 5-6 hours, if even that. So I could have a coffee as late as 3pm, and easily yawn and go to bed by 9pm on a work night. I can have a coffee with dinner on the night of a concert or staying out late and sleep just fine.

With coffee however, I’ve enjoyed black coffee in a typical coffee maker for a long time. However, my wife was interested in trying out a Moka Pot for brewing espresso at home on the stovetop to make homemade lattes a couple years ago, without paying cafe prices. It literally felt like the coffee equivalent of buying beer at the store vs. paying at the bar. It was nice for a very long time, and only cost $30 or so for a Moka Pot. Switching to espressos for my wife, I realized how having oat milk, honey, and espresso was easier on my stomach, and tasted nice. Plus it was saving us money from going out to buy lattes. However, like an stovetop kettle, the espresso will boil over and burn really fast. So you have to be careful.

So later, we invested in a Breville Bambino espresso machine, with no plastic parts that have hot water. A good quality, simple, entry level unit, and a precision grinder with a timer, and it’s been awesome. No burnt espresso, brews quickly, and can steam oat milk. It feels like one of those lifestyle luxuries, where once you have it, it’d be hard to ever go back. However, if you are thinking about become a regular tea or espresso person at home, an electric tea kettle and espresso machine are definite nice-to-haves.

It’s been kind of a busy week. I realize writing something small every day might be a lofty goal. I’ll still try, but I realize my natural rhythm might be long-winded brain dumps every few days, that wildly hop from one tangentially related topic to another. Or, maybe this week is an anomaly, since I’ve been operating outside of my comfort zone, in uncharted territory. That’s true at work with this new property tax trial prep report, courageously attending a Meetup, and in trying to rest well. I successfully fought the first signs of getting sick with a virus this week! Got to celebrate the wins.

I guess I’ll make this post about being in tune not just with my mind, but also my body. Seems to be a common denominator this week, even if not perfectly successful. Back to my New Year’s goal: I don’t want perfection to be the enemy of good. And that’s about right, since things have been good overall, but certainly not perfect.

After seeing my wife’s Oura ring, and recently learning about the symptom radar feature with the Oura Ring, I found that feature VERY attractive. As someone that wakes up god-awful early at 4:45am on weekdays, goes running, works full time, and tends to be very cranky when I’m sick, I’d love to get a heads up before I’m noticeably symptomatic. However, while the rest of the Oura ring is intriguing for data’s sake, it doesn’t seem to provide much additional useful value to me, for its cost. I really get the vast majority of the features with my Garmin Forerunner 265, other than skin temp (and higher end Garmins now have skin temp anyways). I’d rather save my tech wearables money to upgrade to a higher end Garmin several years from now. I don’t like that Oura requires a subscription to just use their device’s important features. That’s a big turnoff to me. Yes, I get that Garmin’s two-way satellite messengers require subscriptions, which is on my medium-term buy wish list, but that’s much more justifiable, as opposed to a subscription for biometrics analysis on a wearable. So, needless to say, I’m fully sold on the free Garmin ecosystem.

My wife works construction, and I work from home, so by no fault of her own, she’s much more exposed to her disproportionately unvaccinated, inconsiderate Republican coworkers, who go to work sick, since there’s no sick leave in construction. I’lll benefit from her Oura’s “symptom radar” feature indirectly anyways, since the last several times I’ve been sick, it’s been because of her. That’s why wearing a mask doesn’t provide me much benefit, as the bigger risk is my wife bringing viruses home to me. Covid and flu vaccinations though? I’m always first in line. I’ll always get a cold, RSV, or any safe and even remotely effective vaccine, whenever they’re available to me. Thankfully my Kaiser insurance covered them last fall’s shots for free, despite the national rollout chaos intentionally perpetrated by the despicable RFK, Jr. (There are of course many good civil servants working for federal agencies, even some front line officers at USCIS. But, from the top, bottom, and entire volume of my heart, FUCK all of the current top cabinet heads and federal agency leaders. I’m talking about the real infamous assholes like RFK, Jr., Kristi Noem, and Pam Bondi, but also lesser known ones like Joseph Edlow and Mora Namdar, who are VERY bad, ill-intended people. OK, mini-rant over on politics for today.)

I can manually check my Garmin watch for my own “symptom radar” indicators anyways, which is basically overnight HRV going down, resting HR and respiration going up (and skin temp too, but I don’t have that). Then, I can screenshot those Garmin data pages into AI tools like Gemini to quickly analyze what Oura does anyways. My watch showed some subtle signs, and now my training status got demoted to “strained” today, which is spot on. (That happens when your HRV and your acute exercise load are both significantly low compared to baseline, which really only happens when sick). I took New Season’s homeopathic meds, tea, zinc lozenges, water, and rested which helped. I got lucky and fought it off! But I was also listening to my body closely, when it came to fatigue, sitting down, staying hydrated, keeping daytime angst in check. I’ll wait one more day, and resume light zone 2 jogging tomorrow and get back on track with marathon training. I think all of my zone 2 exercise, taking Athletic Greens, vitamin D, omega-3s every day has helped keep my immune system, and gut microbiome at baseline.

On the immune response and gut microbiome topics, I’ve also noticed a sizable improvement in how I feel from entirely eliminating alcohol. I forgot the exact day I had my most recent drink, but it had to have been sometime in November? It’s likely been about two months since I’ve had a single drop of alcohol. I’ve never had a drinking problem, other than accidentally getting blackout drunk once from mixing in November 2021, and being told by everyone that I was a real asshole that I only half remember (which deeply frightened me, along with feeling nauseous, panicky, and guilty the entire next day). I made a vow to never risk getting even near blackout drunk again, and I never have. It’s a nice bonus that my wife is on the same page as me, since she accidentally got too drunk a couple months before me in September 2021 in Chicago, hungover and vomiting the next day on vacation.

The only drug I’ve REALLY loved was MDMA. I’d guess that’s sort of how alcohol feels in some peoples' brains? I wish MDMA was legal, and safely regulated, as I think most adults (but not everyone) would gain long-term spiritual benefit from trying it at least once in a safe setting. I haven’t had MDMA since last April, and I plan to abstain for at least a full year, and maybe longer, if I get the opportunity and the vibes are right. Although I have no regrets, I had indulged more frequently than recommended, even in small amounts, and “lost the magic,” which led to some unpleasant experiences the last few times. I’d abstain as long as necessary to maximize the chances of a positive, small dose MDMA experience in my 30s. At my age, setting an intent for meaningful and measured psychedelic use matters much more than naive curiosity alone. That’s really how I feel about all mind-altering substance use. If the worst case scenario happens and I never get to have another magical, or even mildly enjoyable MDMA experience again, due to brain chemistry, I’ve slowly but finally accepted that possibility. I still feel very grateful for what I did get. As I discovered the hard way, serotonin is the slowest neurotransmitter to re-regulate and recover, but biological neuroplasticity is a proven phenomenon.

So, needless to say, I don’t miss alcohol. Can’t speak for everyone, but for me, it’s not worth it. I may have a drink again, and I’m not saying that because I think I’m better than anyone, but rather biologically lucky? It all comes down to being in tune with my body, mind, and soul. No judgement at all for those who do enjoy alcohol, and suffer fewer (if any) real side effects, as it’s simple brain/body chemistry. My neurotransmitter response liked alcohol initially well enough when I was a late teen and in my 20s, but I never LOVED it like some. My stomach issues also worsened in my 20s. And now, with eating mostly freshly cooked, minimally or non-processed foods, and avoiding alcohol, my stomach issues have all but gone away. Also, the older I’ve gotten, the more snobby I’ve gotten with the “junk” food I eat. If I’m going to consume unhealthy calories, I want something amazing that is fresh, craft, and gourmet. I’ve also replaced the ritualistic aspect of a nighttime beer with either CBD seltzer waters, or hot tea for a beverage.

Also, I feel more regulated with moderate amounts of stimulants like espresso and Adderall every day. Having a simple espresso machine to make honey oat milk lattes every day seems easier on my stomach than black coffee (I‘ll talk about my coffee and tea setup in another post soon). I did start taking extended release Adderall every day about a year ago, and my daily mood and energy has usually felt great (sometimes if I was acutely stressed, or was overstimulated, it could make my anxiety worse, but that is a minority of the time). I spend a lot of time thinking about sleep, exercise, brain health, and to cultivate baseline mind and body regulation, so life’s tougher curveballs are less tough. The better you get at something, the easier the harder parts about it become.

Health is wealth. And mental health is physical health. I also have a great therapist right now who recommended this voluntary men’s meetup group for me. It was kind of a group therapy situation with a leader, and only 7 of us, I believe. I even met one person who got my phone number to potentially hang out sometime. I was vulnerable and spoke openly (and briefly) about my social anxiety, rejection sensitivity, and trust issues that manifest with those I very deeply like, care about, and even love. The leader gently challenged me, and I answered the questions with confidence, eloquence, and humility. While I didn’t want I think it “broke the ice” for other men to courageously speak about their experiences. It went to show the common “brotherhood” men of different demographics and backgrounds have, and really people in general share. Sometimes social angst, rejection, and trust issues feel so lonely beyond words. Much like a psychedelic experience, this meetup was sort of a “sober trip” that blew my mind, and fed into the idea of attuning more with my body, mind, and soul. Maybe my therapist was actually right. It did put things into perspective a bit. As skeptical but open minded that I was, maybe my challenges are indeed surmountable. All it takes is one small, sustainable step in the best direction at a time!

Recently my wife and I adopted two free smart TVs, when for the longest time we had no TVs whatsoever in our home at all. (One of them is 43" on a metal wheeled TV stand, and the other is 55" I believe which we put on the dresser in our room. These were from my father-in-law respectively who upgraded to a giant TV, and a pipefitter acquaintance who moved into an RV.) At one point, we almost considered buying one, on our long term wish list, but decided to prioritize other purchases, paying down debt, or saving instead. In hindsight, glad we did! We’ve fortunately found most of our items either thrifted/lightly used, discounted, or gifted by people no longer wanting said item. Rarely do we pay full retail price for anything.

I don’t normally watch many TV shows, but my wife has been passionately obsessed with “Heated Rivalry,” a recently released Canadian gay romance series featuring two Gen Z men who play professional hockey, one who is Russian, Ilya Rozanov (played by American actor Connor Storrie), and the other Asian-Canadian, Shane Hollander (played by Canadian actor Hudson Williams). The show takes place in both Canada and the U.S., primarily Montreal and Boston. There are many good reviews, and recently the Today Explained podcast from today (Sunday 1/18/26) analyzed the whole thing very well, much better than me. But I can still speak to my experience!

As I understand, there are many throughout the LGBTQ+ community, not just gay men, and many younger straight women, who absolutely love this show with an extremely intense passion! Although it’s not quite porn, it’s one notch below it; as “mature”-rated as TV gets. The “smut” aside, the character development, vulnerability, emotional intelligence, as well as the acting is absolutely fantastic. It really provides an emotionally volatile glimpse into the challenges that most of us straight people rarely have to consider, especially in hiding our relationships and sexuality, and how lonely that must be. Moreover, I learned yesterday that many LGBTQ+ content oftentimes ends up tragic and traumatic, so this is the first time where they get a well deserved happy ending, kind of like most hetero romances.

When I first watched it, I had no idea what my wife was watching other than it being a romance series based on books previously read. Although I consider myself an good ally, I felt this initial discomfort with watching two men making out and getting it on. That said, I was grown up enough to progress through my initial implicit homophobia. I realized I don’t have to share the sexuality or attraction to appreciate and celebrate the entirety of two people’s loving romantic experience, regardless of identity. And the profound thoughtfulness of the TV show’s emotionally deep narrative slowly dawned on me.

Funny enough, I naively figured, well, given how common it is for straight men find lesbian porn attractive, wouldn’t many straight women be attracted to gay porn? That was my oversimplified, naive logic. But the thing is, as I understand, for many straight women, sure: these two men are stereotypically muscular, handsome, and attractive to the female gaze. But that’s only the surface of it. The fact that so many young straight men are emotionally unavailable, lonely, and struggle to display vulnerability, (to be fair, largely due to societal factors that are only partially their fault) and have an unhealthy, unkind version of “masculinity,” makes many women just love this show, since these 2 men aren’t that way. (By the way, shoutout to Scott Galloway who correctly identifies challenges young men have in this context, with what kind, strong, and genuine masculinity looks like for both genders, not the toxic, cowardly, mean-spirited, and insecure manifestations we still see too often nowadays.) Heated Rivalry reflects what healthy masculinity, displays of genuine emotion, and non-linear relational growth looks like, really irrespective of sexual orientation.

Also, I must say, the women who are in this TV show are not only hot, but also quality characters too! They aren’t petty or shallow, but truly kind and supportive, good human beings, which greatly enhanced their already existing physical attractiveness for me.

Unexpectedly, I think many straight men (especially those younger, single, and struggling in the world of dating), have much to gain by learning from the playbook of gay men and straight women, in a way where mainstream porn and “manosphere” podcasters (while not necessarily bad per se) just doesn’t teach fully, if at all. And it’s not to say that these two men are immediately vulnerable and enlightened emotional beings. Far from it. It takes a very long time, over the course of nine years, but EVENTUALLY the emotional intelligence develops. I think for far too many men (and a sizable minority of women too, but more often men), just never get there.

Emotional intelligence is not something that happens immediately. True masculinity involves not just physical strength, perseverance, cultivation of skill, and grit, but also even more importantly, emotional vulnerability, which IS emotional strength. Not emotional strength as in simply putting on a tough appearing persona. But someone who can work towards what psychologists define as so-called “secure attachment” and “non-violent communication (NVC)” styles. Someone who can name out loud what they really feel for someone else. Who can state their needs and desires clearly, be in tune to ask about your partner, and build the inner strength to accept rejection and heartbreak, and STILL be their true selves, kind, and honest. Someone who can show care and concern for others, model the behavior and emotional EQ they want to see in others, through physical and emotional strength. To someone who can demonstrate leadership, confidence, and kindness.

To be honest, I feel like if I had seen a TV show like this when I was a teenager or in my early 20s, as well as secure enough to read hetero romance books, it would have taught me volumes about being a better, and more successful man in the dating world. Yes, I dealt with many objectively immature women, who acted like society’s stereotype of young men. But I was no angel myself either, with my own deep insecurities and trust issues. It is possible for men to take this opportunity and run with it. As a bonus, men would inevitably get laid more, date more, and have more frequent positive, fulfilling experiences to draw from, instead of descending into misogyny, depression and negativity. Instead of punching a wall, or hating women in general, being able to be real with someone you want to be close with, or intimate with, is a huge asset.

Photo add 2/7/26: Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney with Hudson Williams

Well, I didn’t post the last couple of days. Busy week at work laser focused on a commercial property tax Magistrate trial court preparation due end of this month, then a great half ski day (9am-1pm) at the Mt. Hood Meadows yesterday by myself. What a privilege to be healthy, able-bodied, in shape, and residing on a beautiful region of the planet. The joys of having Fridays off with a 4/10s schedule too has been awesome.

One of the things that I am a big believer in is live music. Like my dad who I can credit with starting the idea, I have kept mostly good track of the concerts I’ve been to, and my tally is up to 180 concerts tonight! I’m missing a few bars, clubs, and blues festival events, so all said and done I’m probably near 200 or so. While I’ve definitely lost a bit of my hearing, I’m still good about wearing earplugs at super loud shows. But I’ve felt like I’ve “needed” earplugs less over time, which has been the telltale sign mis orejas aren’t what they once were.

The biggest acts performed on the biggest stages are often impressive for a reason. Even artists who aren’t “my music,” such as Beyonce, were amazing live (she was the biggest concert I’ve ever been to, as well as the most expensive one, at over well over $400 per ticket, for average “mid” 200s level seats, at sold out Seahawks stadium).

I’ve heard many terms for it, but surveillance pricing, or algorithmically adjusted pricing is getting really predatory and bad, but it’s especially egregious for concerts. Sure, my Instacart trial that jacked up the price of toothpaste by 28 cents, or peanut butter by 41 cents if I buy it during “peak” times is questionable at best, but I can always go to the store in-person as a backup. Airline tickets at least have different times available, and usually some competition that consumers can choose from. But you’re favorite act that you love, that you want to see live? Not so much.

I was also deeply disappointed to learn today that the Insomniac Events CEO, Pasquale Rotella, one of the biggest, if not the biggest promoter of EDM festivals, is a fucking Trump supporter! Absolutely disgusting, and in dark opposition to the “peace, love, unity, respect” (aka PLUR) culture ubiquitously valued in the rave community, a much higher echelon beyond greed, of course. Similarly, Live Nation has cozied up to the Trump administration, and a simple Google search shows a plethora of media attention surrounding Richard Grenell, a Trump-ally being added to their board last year.

I hurl all of my justified vitriol at the woefully under-regulated Live Nation-TicketMaster (or more accurately, TicketFucker) industrial complex. Gone seem to be the days where presales mattered, or when people would use physical cash in small denominations to pay for secondhand market tickets outside. It feels like eternity ago! Who knew I’d feel nostalgia for laminated seating charts at actual box offices, with actual people, with fixed, established prices? Equal prices for equal seats is what we need the law to say, folks. Really that simple. Now there is no face value! And all it does it incentivize scalping, at every level, and prevent the legitimate fans from getting the best seats at the best prices. Sure, TicketFucker’s app is slick and works seamlessly. But who gives a fuck? I’d rather have a physical ticket anyways, or at least an emailed one with a QR code since it’s not the pre-pandemic days of the 2000s and 2010s anymore.

We have pay equity laws, that require equal pay for equal work (of course, it actually being practiced and enforced fairly is another story), but why don’t we have that for concert tickets? Worse yet, Live Nation owns the Gorge Amphitheater rather than the State of Washington, as contrasted with Red Rocks Park and Amphitheater. Thankfully Red Rocks is publicly-owned property that will hopefully always stay that way, even if private contracts exist with vendors or promoters.

I’m not saying big artists at stadiums would charge prices low like local spots, but nose bleeds should not be $400, when a close up floor level Rush ticket used to be, I don’t know, maybe $140-$160 at the very high end? And that was a true splurge! Even adjusted for headline inflation, maybe that would be in the low $200s range in 2026 dollars.

One of the things that I loved about Goose was their ticket lottery. Hardcore fans would get a chance to get the lottery, and if they struck out, the presale would happen. And prices were GA, all the same. When suspected bots ended up getting seats at Red Rocks, Goose refunded them and re-sold them, so their actual fans got first priority. Respect.

Also, I must give a shoutout to Billie Eilish as well, who was amazing live, and rightfully coerced TicketFucker to play by her rules, and not resell tickets above face value. In other words, you scalp, or need to resell, and you are required to sell at a slight loss due to fees. Once that happened, her actual fans got the seats instead of people with not wanting to see her and looking to make a quick buck. Incentives really do matter.

We all have to make our coin, and participate in the “free market,” capitalist world we live in. But scalping is just straight up bad ticket karma, whether you’re the slimy platform, or the slimy individual. A Goose fan thanked me one time for actually charging face value, and walking him into the venue and being honest. I was like “of course my dude! It would be unconscionable and sacreligious to scam someone, let alone profit on a sacred musical experience meant to be shared as one, in unity.” He laughed endearingly, and gratefully, to say the least. Wholesome moment indeed.

OK, rant over. Onto more positive shit:

A small tech company probably isn’t going to put out an app as intuitive and integrative as Google or Apple could, or even TicketFucker. But you know what? I don’t care, because I love supporting post-pandemic smaller venues like The Get Down, and Realm PDX in SE Portland who don’t use these platforms. Ticket prices are GA, price increases at certain times are transparent, and affordable, with many shows being $20-$30 with fees. That’s how it SHOULD be! It just feels good to support local places and smaller artists.

It’s how I feel about commerce more broadly. Sometimes you can’t avoid supporting Amazon or Walmart, and I get it. But my wife and I are really trying to support smaller businesses where feasible and reasonable, and when we can’t, we’re trying to support places like WinCo, Bi-Mart, or Costco, which typically have low prices, and better employee and/or business practices comparatively.

Anyhow, one of these days I’ll add some more visuals rather than a wall of text soon. Just trying to blog what I can.

I know I’ve praised Ezra Klein before, but if you can’t listen to all of his recent episodes, this one (released yesterday, Tuesday 1/13/26) is especially interesting with guest James Talarico, a rising 36 year old Christian politician from Texas, who is politically liberal, and a Democrat. Messaging is so important in today’s algorithmic information economy, and I think he has the biggest potential for national appeal among anyone I’ve seen lately; even more than people like Gavin Newsom, who I like a lot for the most part. Talarico demonstrated a high degree of self-awareness, humility, and eloquence simultaneously during their conversation, which gave me some renewed hope. And he’s old enough to run for president, being 36 now! To be honest, it took me a bit by surprise hearing someone quote the Bible intelligently, in a seemingly authentic, non-bigoted, non-weaponized manner. Check it out! www.youtube.com/watch

Speaking of scripture, I feel like it’s time for a relevant Rush quote, for some wisdom from the Holy Trinity of progressive rock (not politics):

“They say there are strangers who threaten us

Our immigrants and infidels

They say there is strangeness too dangerous

In our theatres and bookstore shelves

Those who know what’s best for us

Must rise and save us from ourselves

Quick to judge, quick to anger

Slow to understand

Ignorance and prejudice

And fear, walk hand in hand”

Lyric credit goes to the late, greatest of all time, Canadian-American drummer Neil Peart, in Rush’s song “Witch Hunt.” Even more timely words today than 45 years ago when “Witch Hunt” was first released. First saw live as a 12 year old during the Snakes and Arrows tour.

Well, I guess I missed posting yesterday too. It was a long day involving an in-depth work assignment, staying on top of cooking and cleaning, and going grocery shopping. I wrote some thoughts down but wanted to re-read them today. So I guess today is like two days’ worth of content?

First, though, I must give a shoutout to Kai Ryssdal for mentioning what a “long strange trip it has been” in yesterday’s Marketplace episode (Mon 1/12/26), especially given that Fed Chair Jay Powell is a Deadhead—and especially given my prior post on Bob Weir.

Eventually, I figured I needed to get back to making a political post with all the shit going on. It’s just been on my mind and really fucking with people’s collective mental health, despite my best efforts to set boundaries. Given that my wife and in-laws are immigrants, our dystopian world is fucking with them magnitudes more than it is with me. Usually I stay strong, but even I’m not invincible.

I find a strange comfort in expository, trusted sources—places where I don’t have to compulsively fact-check every claim I hear because they’ve proven themselves to be credible and level-headed, without veering into either false reassurance or fear-mongering. TikTok influencers sometimes have real merit and report on things major publications overlook, and I get that. But with all the fake news and manipulation out there, I still have to take the next step and assess credibility. So I usually start by listening to or reading what I already trust.

I don’t read the news first thing in the morning or before going to bed. I’ve turned off all push notifications from news apps and deleted all social media. I don’t miss targeted ads at all, but I do occasionally miss posts or stories from people I actually know well. I wish more people did blog-style posts like this, because I’d read them regularly. For now, I’ll just ask to see my wife’s Instagram account to follow most people. I highly recommend doing all of the above. It’s worked very well for me, and I’ve stayed mostly well-informed on all the truly important stuff.

Sensationalism and the ill-intended, attention-grabbing, ad hominem provocations from the orange Cheeto—I don’t need constant updates. I just don’t care anymore unless it has an immediate effect on actual public policy. Not Truth Social posts, but things actually going into the Federal Register.

Soon enough, though, we’ll need to inactivate my wife’s social media, as USCIS now preys on immigrants’ free speech rights. The main focus has seemed to be the pretense of “antisemitism” (also known as criticizing Israel and advocating for Palestinian independence, which I guess now somehow makes people Jew-hating Nazis—despite the glaring irony and disturbing parallels between Hitler and Trump, or Nazis and our “ICEstapo,” but I digress). Once the slippery slope of free speech suppression begins, even “normal” mainstream political posts could cause trouble.

I feel like I could write a whole PhD dissertation on why our immigration system is so fucked up to its core—legislatively, administratively, and judicially.

Regarding immigration, it’s overdue for moderates and “mainstream” people to confidently demand that ICE be abolished. It sounds far more radical than it actually is in practice. ICE has proven itself to be a state-sponsored, fascist institution unlike any other agency in the federal government, even within Homeland Security. No other democracy has a functional equivalent of ICE. And now, even white, U.S.-born citizens like myself have reason to worry about exercising supposed First Amendment rights (to the extent they still exist), given the state-sponsored homicide of Renee Good in Minneapolis—walking distance from where George Floyd was intentionally and infamously tortured to death by a violent criminal cop.

Imagine if these brave souls hadn’t filmed either of these needless, tragic deaths. I doubt George Floyd’s murderer would be behind bars. It was bad—but you know what? Even right-wing media really couldn’t defend the police on that one. So they predictably shifted focus to anarchists vandalizing property at Portland protests instead. I lived in downtown Portland about a mile away at the time. There were two blocks of chaos. The rest of the city was struggling because of the virus, not the protests.

Sure, not all of the problem is ICE; underlying immigration legislation has long been shit. But ICE is where the rubber meets the road in this willfully devastating human rights crisis. And our nation’s figurative bald rubber tires don’t exactly grip well in icy conditions (sorry for the pun). Hopefully, one day, things will get better. As Bernie Sanders says, despair is not an option.

The wicked powers that be want us to be poor, fat, and depressed—because that’s how a few become powerful and rich at the suffering of the rest of us. I strive to be well-off, fit, and happy not just for myself, but also as an act of resistance (conceptual credit due to my wife). We must keep our heads up and keep pushing back.

So needless to say, contrasted with George Floyd, it’s disgusting and inexcusable to see the Department of Homeland Security lie about and even defend Renee Good’s homicide. When are we finally going to hit rock bottom? Immigration lawyer Jim Hacking went on an epic seven-ish minute rant about it and couldn’t have said it better myself: www.youtube.com/watch

If you’re saying, “Well, what about needing to deport the rapists, fentanyl dealers, and violent criminals Trump used to talk about—before he decided to prioritize arbitrarily deporting families instead?” First of all, you don’t need ICE for actual criminals, regardless of immigration status. Regular police can, should, and do take care of that. Criminals go to prison. And if they’re not U.S. citizens—including green card holders—they are automatically deported after serving their sentence. It’s strange that millions of people don’t understand that.

Second, it is not a crime to lack immigration status. It’s a civil violation under statute. But instead of letting people get into line and pay a fine, there is no line to get into and no fine to pay. So to the proverbial Trump supporter who tells immigrants to “get to the back of the line” and do things the “right” way, I ask: get to the back of what line?

Xenophobes talk like there’s one immigration line, despite the myriad divergent visa categories, none of which are administered equitably or fairly. And the system is deteriorating, not improving.

If you must deport non-criminals, here’s how you do it the correct and dignified way: you issue a Notice to Appear (NTA) in immigration court, with reasonable time to defend status (or lack thereof) before a judge. You are not held in detention, because you’re not supposed to be punished. Once all legal options are exhausted and you lose in immigration court, you get a reasonable grace period—several weeks—to make personal arrangements and voluntarily depart. If you refuse, then you’re escorted at a later, set time, without handcuffs unless you’ve already proven uncooperative or dangerous. Only then would escalatory measures be appropriate.

That’s what fair deportations with real due process look like. It’s how it works in many places. Racial profiling and arbitrary workplace raids would never be a thing.

Let me also say this clearly: I support the need for law enforcement in a functioning democratic society with civil rights, rule of law, due process, and innocence until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. We need good cops. Policing is often a tough and thankless job—unlike first responders such as firefighters or paramedics, who are (rightfully) widely celebrated.

Living in a completely lawless society—overrun by terrorists, gangs, or violent extremists, like Haiti—would be terrible. We need some level of “protect and serve” that applies to all residents, not just white U.S.-born citizens. Many U.S. police departments are racist and prey on low-hanging-fruit targets like immigrants, weed dealers, and unarmed Black people with functional impunity, instead of focusing on real public safety. This crisis has been going on forever and must be addressed. Otherwise, the potential “good” cops just won’t want the job.

(As a side note: I was torn but reluctantly voted for a local law enforcement levy, largely due to promises to expand resources for violent crime victims and the drug deflection program. I absolutely would not have done so if I lived in a non-sanctuary jurisdiction, or one where simple drug possession automatically meant prison time.)

The other extreme—police states like North Korea—doesn’t seem good either. I’m not sure whether I’d rather live in Haiti or North Korea. Ugh. I don’t even want to consider that.

Seeing recent news of brave Iranians in Tehran protesting after their regime shut down all communications gave me some perspective. I caught myself thinking, “Well, at least the U.S. isn’t quite that far gone yet—and hopefully won’t get that bad.” What a sad state of affairs, using Iran as the metric for the U.S. But it doesn’t feel that crazy anymore, especially after the whole Jimmy Kimmel–Brendan Carr–FCC incident last year. Iran would have been an unthinkable comparison not that long ago.

Iranians are fucked over not only by their own government, but also by the U.S.—with blanket travel bans that disproportionately target citizens of the most unfree and unstable countries. It’s a real shame. I’m sure Iran, like many places, has wonderful people and a rich, fascinating culture. Yet it would never be safe for me to travel there, simply because of my nationality.

Well, I missed my non-stop streak daily blog post streak this year for 2026. Oh well. I’ll try to get most days, and if I miss something here or there, I’ll get back the next day, or as soon as feels right, where I can.

I found out unexpectedly yesterday that Grateful Dead’s frontman Bob Weir passed away at 78 years old. May he rest in peace, and my deepest condolences to his closest family, friends, and the broader Deadhead community. There are some beautiful posts about him out there that are wonderful to read.

I grew up in close proximity to the Grateful Dead’s music. I learned that my parents played China Cat Sunflower > I Know You Rider as some of my lullaby music as an infant, which is pretty cool, so to say I got exposed to jam band music young would be correct! Even now, listening to most Grateful Dead songs usually has a naturally calming and sedating effect for me, absent any substances. Some of my favorite songs (which I understand Bobby wrote or co-wrote) include ones like Estimated Prophet, Jack Straw, One More Saturday Night, Playing in the Band, Corrina, Hell in a Bucket, and Picasso Moon (I’m probably missing some good ones, but these come to mind).

This music also influenced my guitar playing and sound preferences, learning jazz chords, and adding mixolydian modal scales, often found in classic jam band tunes, in addition to usual major, minor, and pentatonic keyed patterns. I also credit Bob Weir and the Grateful Dead culture for positively influencing many younger artists in the scene, including Goose, who wrote an amazing tribute on their social media, as did Trey Anastasio, and many others. I’ve always been struck at how most (but certainly not all) jam band musicians like Bobby disproprotionately tended to seem like kind, good, down-to-earth type people compared to other famous people, rarely egotistical, obnoxious, or full of themselves. Seems to go along with the consistently liberal, spiritually-minded counterculture crowd. I often notice many identical parallels with the EDM and rave scene. But like with any big group, you’ll always find few rotten apples in the figurative barrel.

With Bob Weir specifically, I remember hearing Ratdog’s only studio album, Evening Moods, fairly regularly on rotation CD back in the 2000s (strangely, Ratdog and this album is NOT on Spotify even though Bob Weir and the Grateful Dead are), along with various live Grateful Dead albums on CD. To any readers younger than 25 or so, I’m actually old enough to remember when CDs were mainstream, and how cutting edge the first gen iPods and MP3 players were. I remember wired earbuds getting tangled too, before Bluetooth took off. It’s strange how much the music industry economics has changed, these last 20 or so years, both in terms of physical sales versus streaming, and algorithmically priced concert tickets (a darker topic for another post, but there’s also a silver lining with a couple notable smaller Portland, Oregon venues not suffocating under TicketMaster’s headlock).

Although I was too young to have seen the original Grateful Dead, as Jerry Garcia and I only shared about a month on this planet together, I was fortunate to have seen Bob Weir 8 times in total in some of his other post Grateful Dead bands (Ratdog once, Furthur four times, Dead and Company twice, and Wolf Bros once). My dad, family friend, and relatives share their enthusiasm with me as a child and teenager. I know as I get older, I know I’ll be hearing more often about some older legends passing away.